Friday, October 26, 2012

Bad Parenting? Guilty!! Trusting God? Trying!!

Yes, I'm guilty of bad parenting. I allow my 7 year old son to almost fall asleep in our bed, then I walk him to his bedroom and tuck a drowsy little boy in bed for the night. It's either that, or I'm getting up every five minutes to reassure his irrational fears and answer a myriad of questions from a scared little boy, like: are the windows locked? are the doors locked? is the garage closed? is the house safe?

Recently, however, my husband decided that having him sleep sideways in between us was not only taking up OUR space, but he was getting too comfortable! He thought that if he "banished" my son to the end of the bed... where our feet are he'd eventually either get over his irrational fears and trust us when we say he's safe, or realize he's laying his head in between our feet. It's a stinky situation.

It's like that with us and letting go of OUR irrational fears. We hold on to them not realizing they are weighing us down, when God just wants us to release them into his hands and let go of the fear, trusting that He'll give us the strength and courage to get past our fears.

I was recently diagnosed with lupus, among a bunch of other things, and fear was the first thing that filled my heart and mind. The medications they prescribe are really toxic and can damage organs, but then again, so do your white blood cells! Its a loose loose situation that can be frightening. But the other day, as I was thinking about my sons fears, I realized I had my own fears I resisted letting go. I guess I had to get to the point where I realized my fears were weighing me down and putting me in a stinky situation!

What can I say... I'm an analyst by nature, and I google and analyze everything to the extreme, and when I see all the bad things that could happen, I freak out. I decided the other day that I just couldn't carry all that fear around. I had enough to worry about for today. I need to be more like my positive and optimistic husband and have FAITH!!! I can do that!

What a load off my back!!