Friday, January 05, 2007

In THIS case, flatness is NOT swank!


My name is GiBee.

And I have a flat fanny.

Wide, but flat. Yes, indeed. There. I've said it out loud. But, since I only have like 3 readers, it won't matter. I'm pretty sure my secret is safe with you, right?

Seriously, though ... This is what NIGHTMARES are made of when getting pants to fit properly. Why? Because the new at-the-belly-button or below-the-waist styles are not compatible with my body type, therefore, creating a saggy (but still flat) appearance to my poor fanny. All the material bunches at the bottom of my fanny, because there's nothing round back there to hold it up. I hate it.

You know those cute designs you see embroidered on back pockets? Yeah, well, they're usually NOT on my butt -- much lower, in fact ... therefore, making me a plain pocket kind of girl. And ... I'm constantly hiking up my pants. I'm sure that doesn't look professional! I'm also sure there are plenty of women like me out there.

I say ... Flat Fanny Women UNITE!

It may not be pretty, but it's reality.



Anonymous said...

Can I be a member as well! I'm a second generation flat fanny but received this "blessing" from my DAD of all people! LOL Da Hubby assures me that matters have improved since I had kids but I've yet to see the difference myself! LOL

Anonymous said...

I used to have a nice it's a pancake. I'll join in with ya! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Okay, as your 3rd reader, I am feeling very left out of your club. :(
I am of the big round variety no matter what the overall weight is. However, I say that so that maybe I can join your club since I suffer from Dunlopp Disease. When I try the cutesy low or mid-rise jeans, children are afraid because my belly "dun lopped" over the edge of the belt. Now, my belly is not that big, it just never went back to it's normal elasticity after the babies.

Seriously, that's one of the funniest entries I've ever read! Thanks for the smile today.

Anonymous said...

Well you gotta have more than 3 readers because I'm #4. I can't join you club because I have the opposite problem. To big, to round. I have to buy pants to fit it so the waist is always inches too big. And those new pants are murder. Not enough material in the tush to fit the tush. And embroidered pockets just draw attention there which is what I do not need! I think only teenagers can really wear them pants. I wish they'd get some "real people" designers.

Heather said...

Having a fanny that is anything but flat, I must say... there are worse things. I promise.

BooMama said...

Ha! I'm 5!

And if I could just move the roundness of my stomach about 180 degrees to the rear (pardon the pun), I'd give J Lo a run for the money. :-)

But as it stands, this baby got back in all the wrong places. Like her front.

Anonymous said...

Blessed on top, xtra in the fanny. So I will join with the "no fanny club" =)) Hubby even teases me =))

Carol said...

Skirts rock!

Nancy said...

Well this is way past the three reader mark and that may be cause to celebrate, which will help you forget about the flat fanny. Go Girl!

Annie said...

Yes to this I can relate...I once had an ex boyfriend say I didn't have a bum....I had a back with a crack in it...yeah thats why he's an ex!!

Frannie Farmer said...

I think this makes me #11 .. so you are far more popular that you think :)
Flat bottom girl here. sad but true.

Peach said...

#12 here, so your secret is definitely getting around, dear one. I'm with Susanne on the buying pants to fit the round hiney only to find the waist all gappy and bunched up. I hate shopping for pants and certainly lean with Carol on the wearing skirts idea. Much more forgiving than a pair of jeans any day!

Thanks for the chuckle, sweetie!

mom2chris said...

I found your blog from Boomama's. You are both so funny! Just a tip: Oprah had a show on what type of jeans to wear for each body type. The lady on there said if you are toushy-challenged, that you need to buy the jeans that have the button-flap pockets. It adds to the flatness and gives the appearance of a behind - actually, they are quite flattering. :)

Julie said...

Good grief, I have plenty to should've just asked me!

I WISH I could start a Flat Tummy Club.


HolyMama! said...

hmm. i've noticed a different problem lately. my butt tends to knock things off displays in stores. it's odd, because i'm sure i'm nowhere NEAR these things, and yet it keeps happening. must mean my butt is near those items, even though the rest of me is not.

Shalee said...

#16, Miss I-know-I-have-lots-of-readers-and-I just-want-them-all-to-comment. Sheesh, you're really pulling the sympathy string.

I've decided that if they can make a miracle bra (which will only work if actually wear one so it's all lost on me), they can make a miracle panty, which will enhance my non-existent my butt and make it look better.

I know, I know. They actually make them, but I cannot fathom buying a pair. I figure if I'm not going to enhance the top, there's no way I'm going to emphasize the bottom which will in turn make my chest look even smaller.

I'll get what I get and not throw a fit!