Thursday, April 24, 2008

5 Classes I Wish They Taught in School

Michelle at Life with Three tagged me for this fun meme. Usually, I drag my feet on memes, but since my brain is pretty much empty and exhausted (for no good reason), I'm jumping all over this bandwagon... As usual, I've dragged my feet on this Meme -- but it was a ton of fun -- thanks, Michelle! She wants to know the five classes I wish they would have taught in school.

1) Joneses-economic-ology: This class will tech you how to Develop the courage to kick the Joneses to the curb by developing the fine art of creating adequate and balanced cashflow plans that help you pay tithe, the mortgage, your bills, feed your family, and buy gas without bouncing any checks or getting into credit debt. In other words, living with Champagne Taste on a Beer Budget without being intimidated to keep up with the Joneses. This class is a prerequisite to THINK-ACT-RUN Wildlife Economic Philosophy.

2) THINK-ACT-RUN Wildlife Economic Philosophy: Learn to Spend Less than You Earn so that you can live a debt-free life. In other words: view credit card debt as a Cheetah coming to get you and RUN with Gazelle-like Intensity! Think like a Gazelle. Act like a Gazelle. RUN like a Gazelle! (thank you Dave Ramsey!)

3) Avoiding the "June Cleaver Paradigm Paralysis": As you may already know, a paradigm is a model or a pattern. It's a shared set of assumptions that have to do with how we perceive the world. Paradigm Paralysis occurs when we poses the inability to see beyond the current models of thinking. For example: when some young couples first get married and have children, many think that their world will fall within the "June Cleaver Paradigm" or rather, the image of perfection, and paradigm paralysis sets in when they discover that real life is, in fact, nothing at all like June Cleaver's and they resist seeing beyond that unrealistic model of thinking. This class will help prepare your mind to see beyond ridiculous home models and encourage you to shape and mold your perspective in a more realistic fashion. Preparation is everything! Which leads me to...

4) The Revised 80/20 Rule -- The 80/10/9/1 Rule: This class is crucial for all to take so that they CLEARLY understand the 80/10/9/1 Rule. In fact, many people may confuse this with The 80/20 Rule, or the Pareto Principle which basically says that 80 percent of the value you will receive will come from 20 percent of your activities. However, the revised 80/20 rule -- the 80/10/9/1 Rule means that 80 percent of your time will be spent on changing nasty diapers, wiping runny noses, cleaning spit-up or vomit, nursing bloody scrapes and bruises, flipping grilled cheese sandwiches, smearing peanut butter, heating up chicken nuggets, chasing after balls, stepping on toy ninja warriors with sharp spears, moping up spilled milk and/or apple juice, etc. Ten percent of your time will be spent sorting/washing/folding laundry, sweeping and moping sticky and crummy floors, wiping down and sanitizing surfaces, vacuuming stained carpets, scrubbing marker off of the couch and crayon off of the kitchen table (among other surfaces), changing sheets, making beds, cleaning toilets, and sorting/washing/folding the rest of the laundry. Nine percent of your time will be spent on lavishing attention on your dear spouse -- take advantage of all 9%. And finally, 1% of your time will be spent on yourself -- showering, shaving one leg, one arm pit, rinsing part of the shampoo off your hair, and slapping some comfortable clothing and shoes on to face the rest of the 99% of your day. Make the most of it. (You may want to pair this class with the hands-on field trip to a filming of SuperNanny.)

5) Finding the Hidden Joys in Parenting: Despite the overwhelming reality of the "80/10/9/1 Rule", and despite the frightening truth of the "June Cleaver Paradigm Paralysis," there is joy in parenting. Joy so overwhelming that it often takes your breath away. This course will focus your attention on the beauty of being a parent: the soft sighs a baby makes when held by its mother; the pleasure of tiny fingers wrapped around your own; the joy of your little tike handing you their first bunch of dandelions; the pleasure of hearing "I wuv you" for the first time; the sweet intoxication of your little one planting a firm sticky kiss on your cheek, or nose, or eye lid, or wherever their uncoordinated limbs will allow him or her to plant it; the thrill of hearing your child say "tantu momma" (thank you) or "peas mommy" (please) for the first time; and many more.

Now I tag: Pam at Without Fear; Susanne at Living to tell the Story; Christina at Serenity How?; Barb at A Chelsea Morning; Beth at Life with two little Vikings; Oh, this is too hard... you're ALL tagged too. Just let me know if you did it.

And just to clarify: I love being a mom and wouldn't trade it for the world -- I'll keep all the good stuff and the bad!


Susanne said...

Oh my goodness. I'll have to think on this one. I love the name for your #2 class. Very creative.

Donnetta (momrn2) said...

WOW! I think this may be one of the more difficult meme's I have seen. I don't know that I would be creative enough to come up with this!

You did a fantastic job! It was so much fun reading your answers!!

Michelle@Life with Three said...

Terrific post -- you did a great job! I love the revised 80/20 rule -- you described my life so perfectly! But, you're right, I wouldn't trade one second of motherhood, sticky kisses and all. :)

Barb said...

What clever class titles you've come up with. I'm not that clever, by a long shot. But I'll give this some thought. Right now I'm wishing there had been a class called How To Be Three People At Once. :-)

Beth/Mom2TwoVikings said...

GiBee - I finally got around to posting my version of this! LOL Sorry it took so long!

Susanne said...

I got this one done! Not as creative as yours but it is what it is. LOL. Maybe I should have listed a class on creative class names.