Friday, August 18, 2006

It's A Twenty-ouncer Morning!

Before you go filling my head with all your nice little comments on how I am NOT a moron ... you may want to read this:

I went to the gas station at lunch time to fill the gas tank up, which was below empty. I put that metal piece on the gas nozzle down so it would fill without me holding onto the handle, then I went into the gas station to get an energy drink. I looked at all the drinks, didn't like what I saw, started to walk out, when my eye caught a Ben and Jerry's ice cream bar. So I grabbed it, went to pay, and when I walked out of the store, I saw a fountain of gasoline spewing from my car's gas tank. And I do NOT mean a little trickle. It wadefinitelyly a fountain. The metal piece that holds the handle up didn't click off when the tank filled up.

So, basically, I paid for my 19 gallons of gas to fill a 15 gallon tank.


I got into my car, hung my head and placed my hand to my forehead (just in case the video cameras were capturing me -- the moron -- and nervously started the car. I was so scared it would blow up, that I prayed ... "Lord, if it's my time to go, and this van's gonna blow ... make it fast and painless. InJesusnameamen." (I found myself saying the same prayer at the stop light.)
So you see? I have once again proven beyond a measure of doubt that I am indeed a moron.

(And, NO! I did not tell the attendant what I did, and I did not request a refund. I just got the H-E-doublehockeysticks out of there!)

How embarrassing! And, for the record... I'll hurt you if you tell anyone what I did. Pinky promise you won't, 'kay?

Hey -- if someone goes to that very same gas station, drops a cigarette butt, and it blows them up, can I be arrested for homicide? Just wondering!

Back to your regularly scheduled program...

Yes, folks ... I've bumped up my usual 16-oz cup of Jo to 20-oz this morning. I'm hoping the extra 4-oz of caffeine will go a long way towards waking this moron up today!

Now, I'm pretty certain I know what's going through some of your minds...

Some of you might be thinking ... "4-0z? That's it? That's all? Psahw! Why bother?"

Other's might be thinking ... "Oh, GiBee, you are NOT a moron!" (Bless you)

And then, others might have thought... "Well, the first step to healing is admitting you have a problem... so now that you've admitted you're a moron, we can move on." (Clever. Where have you been all my life?)

And then, there are those who might be thinking ... "Yup. She called that right... she is a moron." (oh, aren't you funny!)

For those of you that have no thoughts at all, don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. I won't tell anyone.

So ... why am I limiting my self to an additional 4-oz of caffeine? Well, because while I want to wake up, I don't want to pee myself, and the bathroom is a long way off from my cube. Besides... I'll probably get a can of diet coke from the vending machine around 11-ish, adding another 12-oz of caffeine to my bladder.

And ... why am I a moron? Well... allow me to share. My son's 5th tooth finaly broke through this past Sunday (I think that's when it was)... And for the most part, he has been sleeping well through the night (except when sick)... Then ... last night during dinner, I got a good glimpse into his mouth and didn't see anything new popping through. But sure enough ... at 12:50 AM, the child woke up screaming like someone had cut his hand off. And he screamed for 2 and 1/2 hours straight. I gave him Tylenol. I rocked him. I soothed him. I sang to him. Finally ... out of desperation, my husband said, "should we try something on his gums?" And, being the all-knowing mother that I am (Ha!), I told him that I didn't think he was teething. But he insisted, so I told him to go and get the orajel AND Hyland's teething tablets.

Now, after almost three hours of solid screaming, a parent tends to worry as to what the cause is. He hasn't pooped in a full 24 hours, so maybe we inadvertently left a plug in his bum. But I really don't think that was the case. I had just changed his diaper, so it wasn't that. I had fed him a bottle, so he wasn't hungry. So, to appease my husband, I opened the bottle of Hylands poured out 4 or 5 tablets, and began feeding them to my screaming child. Then, I handed Hunter the closed Hylands bottle, got some orajel and slathered it in any which direction in his mouth. And wouldn't you know it ... as soon as that child got the Hylands bottle in his hand and started shaking those little tablets around he quieted down. And within 15 minutes he was back asleep.

Evidently, a tooth can hurt even though it hasn't bubbled the gum yet. And it can hurt a lot.

So, yes. I am a moron. You would have thought that teething would have crossed my mind FIRST. At 12:52 AM ... not 2:30 AM.

On another note ... is anyone planning on seeing Snakes On A Plane this weekend? I'm not big on scary movies or movies filled with suspense, but there is so much hype and talk about this movie that my curiosity is getting the better of me! Joel Siegel gave it a great review today on Good Morning America, and I could use a good scare. The only down side is that there is a lot of foul language in the movie. Maybe I'll wait for it to come out on DVD.

And to wrap things up into a nice big package ... Heather is coming to my house tomorrow ... nany nany boo boo! Not only do I get to meet her, but her whole family, too! They will be performing at our church on Sunday morning. Wooo Hooo!


Heather Smith said...

Hey GiBee! I hope the extra caffeine helps. I need a bit myself because I just learned that I need to go to my sister's house to help my bro-in-law with the wee ones because he didn't get home until 6:30 this morning when he was supposed to get home at 2 (he's a policeman, so he was in the clear!) Anyway, for some reason he wants to sleep, so I'm gonna help him out. Maybe I could use an extra 4 ounces of something myself! I'd take Dr. Pepper though, being the true southern girl I am! Well, I guess I'll see you TOMORROW! Yay!

Susanne said...

Oh, girl. I'll say a prayer for you today! That's hard. And you're no moron. With babes you're always second guessing, not really knowing and it's all trial and error till you hit on the right thing. Have a very restful weekend if you can!

Everyday Mommy said...

Thanks for the "plug in my bun" link. Only a mother would understand.

aggiejenn said...

Caleb has been trying to cut a tooth for over a week and I see no signs of it popping through anytime soon. WHY oh WHY do they take so long???

Feeling your pain...

Shalee said...

No, you are not a moron, just a mother in training as we all are, no matter the stage in our kids' lives.

I'm not seeing the movie yet. Mostly we are renters because we're poor and I hate it when I miss a part because the pop is trying to bust my bladder.

And have a great time with Heather this weekend!!!! That is sooo cool.

Laurel Wreath said...

Nope not a moron. You had me giggling the whole way though. Have a fun weekend.

Kristen said...

Nope. You are not a moron. Why would you think your child would be hurting from teething if you don't see a visible tooth? It took me until child 2 to figure this out. Poor baby Hunter!!

And as for Snakes on a Plane....I only heard about it for the first time last night and that's all I've heard about since. The hubster and I haven't gone on a date in a long, long time and I always loooove a scary movie! Thanks for the suggestion!

Big Mama said...

I can't tell you how many times I did that same thing when my daughter was teething. I got braces a year ago and now I know all too well how your teeth can keep you up at night!

Snakes On a Plane...not even if someone gave me a million dollars (well, maybe a million)

org junkie said...

Gibee, your update is hilarious. It is totally something I would do! In fact I've done it with jelly beans in the grocery store. You know the bulk bins that you have to push the spout back to open and then close it to stop. Yup mine wouldn't close and I stupidly took the bag away so that jelly beans were spewing all over the floor...I just walked away!

Shalee said...

Bwa ha ha ha. Okay. I take it back. You're a moron. But a funny one, so it all works out.

Susanne said...

Exuse me maam. This is the gas station police and we have it on good word that you spilled a little gas! :D
Ok, am I allowed to laugh 'cause I really, really wanna laugh. Not at your expense of course but just the whole picture of it.
You're still not a moron but one very very tired mommy! :) Can you take the rest of the day off and go have a snooze while baby is still at dayhome?

Laurel Wreath said...

Snort Snort!!! Hey it is FRIDAY !!! I am sorry you drop the precious gold of gas we all love to pay for all over the gas station's floor. Did you see people trying to sponge up free gas while driving away???

MommaB said...

Maybe you should do a 40oz mug of mocha java next time? Although it didn't help me. I went out with my girlfriends last night and had dinner and coffee. I excused myself to go to the ladies' room and upon arriving was bombarded with apple decor in every direction. It smelled like Granny's apple pie overload. I just couldn't understand why a restaurant that sported local sporting memorabilia on their dining walls would overkill the apple in the bathroom. As I was walking back to the table, I suddenly exploded with laughter... I was dining at APPLEbee's! I confessed to my girlfriends and they proceeded to refer to me as "moron" the rest of the evening! Thanks for confessing... it gives me hope that I'm not the only goob in this world!!!

Heth said...

Hahahahaha. That gasoline story made my day. Especially "InJesusnameamen".


Barb said...

I had to come out of my lurking status for this one. You're not a moron. Those gas nozzles are really scary. I stopped on the way to work one morning to gas up the car and when the tank was full, a ton of gasoline flew out and landed all over me. Couldn't go back home without being late to work so let me tell you, I smelled lovely all day. People were afraid to come anywhere near my office.

Moron is what my daughter did. She's going to kill me. She forgot to remove the nozzle and didn't realize what all the clanking and banging was until she was six blocks away from the station. Mortified. Imagine the looks she got with tht nozzle and long hose attached to her car.

Poor baby. Problem is the teeth come up and go back down a few times before they break through. I read once that an adult could not stand the pain a baby goes through when teething.

Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) said...

oh my girl - you made me really laugh!!

but i am a moron too - no really - my husband can back me up on this. i have paid for gas and left without filling up at a pre pay. I have driven through the car wash with my radio on (and thus antenna up.) yup - broke my antenna. and - then you think i would be wiser at car washes - i have driven through the car wash and ripped off the little door that covers the gas cap. (What is that thing called?) how you ask? well I forgot to close it before going through the car wash. and the list of moronic things goes on, but really this comment is getting a little long...

Dee said...

You are NOT a moron!!!!!!! This makes me feel better after the week I have had.... forgetting my wallet (Cash, Drivers License, Debit card, etc -- ALL OF IT) and planning a special breakfast out with my kids. Then having NO way to pay for it! (that's a blog all in itself) to losing my keys after recently bragging that I hadn't lost them lately and finally going in to start priming a room (we're painting..) only to find that SOMEONE spilled a WHOLE gallon of white latex paint on my WEDGEWOOD blue carpet!!!!!!! :) No sweetie - you are NOT a moron... just a regular gal!

As for the teething thing --- hang in there.... :) this too shall pass!

Lauren said...

Just the way you tell, I can't help but laugh. but I still refuse to accept that you are a moron. A little tired maybe but not a moron. I just can't, won't believe that.

Tawnya said...

Ok first off you are so not a moron but rather a hoot! what a fun blog! so happy to have stumbled upon it! :) blessings, T

Carol said...

Well, I'm glad you can keep my secret. Since I don't have any thoughts, I couldn't possibly wonder whether you are one of those bloggers who complains about their weight in one post, then grabs a Ben & Jerry's bar in another. Or a diet soda since they have been proven to actually make it difficult to lose weight.

As for the gas least you didn't drive off with the thing stuck in the tank, thereby ripping the hose completely out of the pump like a true moron who hasn't got any thoughts that we both know and, hopefully, love.

Yeah, teething sucks.

Tess said...

bwahahahahaa oh, sorry, was I not supposed to laugh at the gas thing?

Faith said...

More caffeine? Naw, really?i couldn't tell!!
Hylands teething tablets - they are da bomb!!!