Thursday, August 24, 2006

Well, it could be satan!

Many of you might recall that at one point in my blogging career, I shared with you that my husband simply loves the expression "cheeze-n-crackers!" -- Did I mention -- ad nauseam? As in --

me: "Honey, dinner will be ready in 15 minutes."
him: "cheeze-n-crackers!"

me: "Baby -- the trash has to go out tonight."
him: "cheeze-n-crackers!"

me: "hun, can you come here a sec?"
him: "cheeze-n-crackers!"

me: "I HATE cheeze-n-crackers! cheeze-n-crackerscheeze-n-crackerscheeze-n-crackerscheeze-n-crackerscheeze-n-crackers -- would you quit saying cheeze-n-crackers! You need a new line!"

Well, the other night, my wish was granted. He heard a commercial on the radio for Comcast (a local cable company) and he picked up a new saying he heard... thank goodness! Here it is, in case you want to use it with your kids or spouse. Just remember to throw in the "Mr. T" accent -- as in no r's are pronounced (if you don't know who Mr. T is -- then foghetaboutit).

New saying: "Stop your Jibber Jabber -- quit your Flibber Flabber."

Yeah. It's been used on me already, but it's pretty funny, and fun to say, and I find myself saying it too! Go ahead -- try it out -- let it roll from the tongue.
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On another front: If you're hunting around for something that will really enhance your career, then you MUST go here: monk-e-mail -- Go ahead. Send your boss the "I QUIT!" email! You know you want to! FUU-NNNY!
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Finally, I often find myself coming with-in inches, nay -- millimeters, of beating my husband senseless in the middle of the night. "Oh, GiBee -- not YOU!" YES. ME.

He snores. Need I say more? So, what usually happens is:

him: snoooore. snoooore. snooore.
me: tap. tap. tap.
him: snoooore. snoooore. snooore.
me: shake. shake. shake.
him: snoooore. snoooore. snooore.
me: shove. shove. shove.
him: "wha? huh? what!?"
me: "What do you think? You're snoring. Again."
him: "Oh. Okay. Sorry."
him: snoooore. snoooore. snooore.
me: sigh.

Every time, he asks me, "what? huh?" As if this time, it's gonna be something different. So, last night, here's what happened:

him: snoooore. snoooore. snooore.
me: tap. tap. tap.
him: snoooore. snoooore. snooore.
me: "Baby -- baby --"
him: "huh? what?"
me: "Baby, I'm trying to work with the FBI to save people. I have important things I need to do, but I can't because you're snoring to loud. So ... can you zip it?"
him: "huh?"
me: "I'm trying to dream, honey!"
him: "oh, sorry."
him: snoooore. snoooore. snooore.
me: shake. shake. shake.
him: "I can't be snoring. I just closed my eyes."
me: "Oh. Well, I guess it could be satan!"
him: "huh?"
me: "Baby -- your flibber has too much flabber in it. Can you quit it and turn over?"

Start vicious cycle all over again.

Does.it.ever.end? I have important things to do in my dreams and of course, I need my beauty sleep! Gaah!

19 comments:

Tess said...

my hubby only snores when he is extremely tired, but it's this horrible wheezing sound that grows higher in pitch every breath. it makes me want to stuff a sock in his mouth. did I just say that out loud?

Carol said...

Time to get those anti-snore things they stick on their noses, maybe? I wonder if they work.

Heather Smith said...

I've heard the flibber flabber thing in person. Oh, I feel so honored. I got to hear the NEW PHRASE!
No advice here on how to deal with snoring husbands. I need advice on how to GET a husband! LOL!

Laurel Wreath said...

I will have to use that on my kids =)) I think they will bust up laughing.

Morning Glory said...

Laughing, laughing, laughing AT you! At least my husband waited a few years longer before he started snoring, but that conversation could be OURS in the middle of the night. What are we gonna do?????

Tylenol PM helps........

Becky said...

LOL!! My hubby will snore if he is on his back. My little trick is to just pull on the covers a little bit. He is a cover hog but denies it. When I do this, he grabs the sheet and rolls over- no more snoring!

momrn2 said...

This is just way too funny!! What a great way to start off my morning!!

I face many things with my husband. Snoring is not one of them... yet. I'm just waiting...

Eagles Wings said...

That is so funny, I am laughing so hard about the snoring part, my husband finds me on the sofa in the morning when he snores...did you move out here because of my snoring....YES!

Susanne said...

Hahaha! You're even funny in the middle of the night! I'd love to be a bug on the wall at your house for a week! :D

Dee said...

LOL!!!!!! my husband has a few phrases that he uses --- most of them are so ANNOYING because he does them at all the wrong times!!! :) LOL! that's what i love about him!!!

as for the snoring - i sympathize...though my husband is in denial. no matter how many times i wake him, he is SURE it's me that (woke myself) was snoring....LOL!!!!

Faith said...

I love you GiBee - ya just so full of funny flibber flabber!!!!

And no, it never ends! ;D

Noise machines (that's what we call 'em) help alot though!

Stacey said...

You had me laughing so hard. I remember the whole snoring thing. My husband finally went in for one of those sleep study things. Found out he has a slight case of narcolepsy and he's on meds now. Much better to deal with!

Have a flibber - flabberulous day!!

kpjara said...

BEHAAAAAAAAAAVE yourself Gibee!

You are too too too funny for my own good.

Shalee said...

Oh that is too funny, GiBee. Too funny dear.

And Heather, you took the cake on all the comments here! "I need advice on how to GET a husband!" Leave that one to God, woman! Leave it to God.

aggiejenn said...

You two are a hoot! :-) Thanks for the advice about Caleb's fever. Still waiting for those teeth to come in...

Barb said...

Oh dear. I just hate to pop your balloon. But no, it does not EVER end. Once a snorer, always. I tried earplugs. Doctor told me they were irritating my ears. Well, yeah. Brought tears to my eyes to put them in.

Nope. It.never.stops.

Tammy said...

I am married to a snorer too. I'm always doing the jab thing...starts out gently at first...then gets progressively aggresive! ;)

Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) said...

sooo funny! cheese n crackers?!?! i mean WHO says that?!?!?

thanks SOOOO much for the tip about feta!! I have tried to look on the fetas in the store and see if any of them are pasteurized and have never had any luck. i will check out the one you mentioned. :)

Lauren said...

I'm living the same story over here and I just know it's satan because he says he doesn't snore and somebody is keeping me awake at night.