Boys, boys, boys!

I'm sitting here reading, and re-reading this post, and each time I go to press the "Publish Post" button, I chicken out. Why? Because I want to make sure I do this post justice without hurting any feelings, sounding judgmental, or pious. So, if I offend, or come across as harsh, please forgive me. I just want to speak my mind as delicately as possible. DEEP BREATH. Here we go...

Everyday Mommy has pulled together a wonderful grouping of posts she has written called Like Joshua where she discusses our roles as moms in raising our boys to be Godly men, and what the world is doing to attack our efforts. She also extends a challenge to us (moms) to "employ the God-given motherly influence we have to raise our sons to be like Joshua." Please, please take a moment to read her posts and the comments. They are really good! And, they inspired me to really think about my own son, and what our goals are for him!

As I started to write this, one question was going over and over in my head... Do you think there is an epidemic in our world for Godly male role-models? I do ... I hate that many men "act the way they do" because they think "that's the way they are," and use it as an excuse. They accept that their "masculinity" renders them incapable of being gentle, nurturing, or viewing things from an emotional perspective. But scripture tells us to not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Many worldly fathers are often unavailable. They don't communicate well, and possibly don't care. They focus on either their own success, or just keeping their heads above water. Boys are taught to "take it like a man," "real men don't cry," and "sensitivity equals weakness." Many boys will go without receiving acts of affection from their parents ... not just their fathers, and boys are considered "tough," and are treated like that and expected to act that way. This is the epidemic I'm concerned about.

There is just so much for a boy to learn on his way to becoming a man ... especially a man of God. When boys look around them to see what makes a healthy, Godly man, don't you think that they get contradictory, confusing, and inconsistent information about what defines being a man?!

I know when I was pregnant, I really wanted a girl, because I was so intimidated about raising a son ... after all -- I am a girl! But you know what the good news is? My son was God's idea! Praise God for that! I am so head-over-heels in love with this little boy, and as his mom, I can be influential in teaching him how to go from boyhood to manhood, shaped by God's character and purposes.

Some of my goals (along with my husband, of course) in raising my/our son are: teaching him how to be "emotionally intelligent;" how to respect people not just their elders; how to "grow a heart" for God; how to live life responsibly and independently; how to be a man with honor and integrity; how to deal with failures, loss and grief that life is bound to hand him; how to find joy in the mundane; how to love, honor, cherish and respect his wife; how to love and raise his own children. And ... that's just a few of my goals! Granted, some of them have been 'coined' by other people, but hey ... they're my goals too (and there's a lot of them)!

You see, I consider it an honor to have been handed this little child to care for and raise. And, I honestly feel that a mother's influence on her son(s) is unique and valuable. I only have a very few, short, not-long-enough-18 years with him until he legally becomes a "man" in the world's eyes (GAAH!), and I want to make every minute count so that I can make the biggest, Godliest impact on his life, hopefully while directing him to eternal things!

Now, I'll be the very first to admit that I know nothing about raising boys. Okay, girls either. But ... I have many friends (in person and in blog-land) that are either raising boys or have raised boys, that I can go to for advice. Dr. James Dobson has written for years about the importance of the traditional family (a dad and a mom) and especially the critical role that fathers play in the lives of young children. And, I am blessed beyond measure to have a husband who strives on a daily basis to be a Godly man. I know without a doubt that he will serve as a living example to my son, and will be involved in every aspect of his life. I also see characteristics in both my dad, and my father-in-law that are Godly that I want my son to see.

I recently learned in my Living Beyond Yourself Bible study that women are powerful and influential... so, when it comes to raising Godly sons, how can we use that power and influence? Well -- we can start by encouraging our husbands to be the head's of our households. I read on a blog somewhere that an "empowered man as head of the household is better and creates less strife than the co-captain of a ship, which can run a ground." We can also find ways to enable him to have quality time with the kids ... date nights, family nights, sports, scouts, walking the dog, yard work, movie time, etc.

"It is a wise father that knows his own child."

William Shakespeare

Fathers are important and valuable in our sons lives, and many dads don't discover this until it's too late. I'm reminded of something I once heard at a youth conference ... the speaker said there are three kinds of dads: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who ask what happened! As a woman, we can use our "power and influence" to encourage our husbands to be the kind of dad that "makes things happen."

And another thought that crossed my mind ... It is difficult to be a single mom. It can be discouraging, and I'm sure there are many times when a single mom feels like she's reached the end of her rope. Women who do not have godly men to look up to in their own families need our support and the guidance of a godly church body that upholds biblical roles and believes in supporting the fatherless and the widow. We can all help single moms cope. We can encourage them, and be actively involved in their lives.

We can also help them by mentoring their children. You might be thinking that you just don't have the hours in your day or even the knowledge needed to make that kind of commitment. Well, mentoring doesn't always have to involve the huge amount of time and energy that you might think, and you don't need a four-year "mentoring degree" in order to make a positive impact on children around you! Simply investing even an hour a week with a child -- taking them out for ice cream with your family, helping him with his math homework, sharing Scripture and ultimately just loving him or her can make a world of difference. You can be a family, an empty-nester, a single person, or a couple that doesn't have children yet. All you need to do is take the first step towards making a difference!

And, it's not just the single moms that need our help. In the past year and a half, my husband has started taking our PastorMan's son (who is in 8th grade) fishing... he started this before our son was born, and the thing about fishing is ... they have all kinds of time to talk about silly stuff, as well as spiritual stuff. I KNOW his dad is a Godly man, and loves his son, and spends quality time with him ... but I also know that his dad is a busy man, and can use all the help he can when it comes to role models for his son... I know I'll certainly appreciate that from the men in our church as my son gets older... and I can promise that there are parents out there (single or not) that WILL appreciate your positive influence in their kids lives.

Finally, we should also remember the many children here in the US, and around the world who don't have a family. Now, more than ever, the privilege of adoption is something that Christians, in particular, need to consider. For an orphaned or abandoned child, being adopted into a loving, intact family can literally mean the difference between life and death. As followers of Christ, there can be no higher calling than for us to extend our hands to one of "the least of these" -- the overlooked in our society -- and invite him or her into our home as a son or daughter. And another thing I learned from Beth Moore's Bible study ... is that in a very real sense, that is what God has done for each of us through His own Son, Jesus Christ. My husband and I have discussed sponsoring a child through Compassion International. That is an immediate goal of ours. But my own personal long-term goal is to one day adopt a child who is in need, and welcome them into our family as one of our own.

So -- back to the original reason for this post ... when it comes to raising my son "like Joshua" ... I'm game. Are you?

Feel free to share in the comments section your goals for your kids, and even tips on how you plan to implement them, or have already implemented them! We can all support each other and share with each other things that work and things that haven't or don't. If you don't have kids yet, I encourage you to make it a personal goal of yours to make a difference in the life of one child in your church or neighborhood.


"Be strong and courageous, for you shall give this people possession of the land which I swore to their fathers to give them." Joshua 1:6

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Additional Posts of Interest:
1) Foster Care - The "Aging Out" Dilemma -- Janice's Interview (5 Minutes for Mom) with Diane (Praying for A Prodigal)
2) Why Foster Care? Part 1 of 3 by Diane from Praying for A Prodigal
3) Why Foster Care? Part 2 of 3
4) Why Foster Care? Part 3 of 3
5) She's An Expert by Carol at She Lives (an article on Parenting)

If you know of any other posts that correspond to this discussion, please let me know! Thanks.