Knowing the Shepherds Heart, part 2

Yesterday, I presented two of six characteristics I discovered while studying Psalm 23 -- Trusting the Shepherd who Cares and Provides, and Trusting The Shepherd of Rest and Peace -- The Shepherd who Restores my Soul. (well, really, anyone can discover them (they just have to read the Psalm, so it's not like I'm brilliant or anything!)

These posts aren't filled with rocket science, or eloquence or deep spiritual theology -- just what was on my heart at the lowest time of my life, and what I learned. Here are two more characteristics I discovered ... it's another really long one, but I hope you stick it out with me!

III. Trusting The Shepherd that Guides Me and Protects Me. "He guides me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil." (v3b-4a)

If you look at the verses above, you will notice that there are two parts to this equation -- Guidance and Protection. Before we started working with our Fertility Clinic, my husband and I prayed and prayed and prayed. We wanted to be sure this was God's direction. After many, many months of agonizing silence from God, I went to my friend, my confidant of all things female, my prayer partner -- my sister-in-law. I cried, I complained, and I told her how I just didn't know what to do, I couldn't HEAR God, and this was something I wanted to be SURE was his will for our lives. I needed his direction, and I couldn't find it!

My ever wise sister suggested that maybe I should change the way I was praying. Maybe I should start praying that God would bless the difficult decisions that we had to make, and ask that his hand be in all the procedures that we would endure.

So I did. And God was with us, of that I have no doubt. But looking back now, I can see that God did answer our prayers and provided us with clear direction, but I was so overcome with worry and fear, that I didn't see it. Some of the ways that he provided us with clear direction were "no-brainers" ... He provided us with insurance that covered 100% of the procedures at the time we were starting off (it changed later on to 90% -- but still awesome coverage, huh?). He provided us with a doctor who was so gracious and kind, and attentive. He provided us with a praying and supportive family and friends. He opened a satellite office to our Fertility Clinic not more than 8 miles away from where we lived. But when you are consumed with fear and worry, sometimes you don't see the "no-brainers!" In fact, I've mentioned on this blog many, MANY times that sometimes, I pretty much need a Mack truck to slam into me before I can see God's answers plain as day.

I'm sure you're wondering WHY I didn't see these things as answers to prayer or as God's direction. Well, sometimes, we just don't see or hear clearly the direction God wants us to take. But most of the times, there are reasons why -- and looking back now, I can see that I was in a very dry place in my life. I was not studying scripture, or spending quality time with God. I was so worried about ME, and MY WANTS.

If we want to HEAR God's direction, we have to be spending time with Him, in His word, and being still -- listening for his direction. Shocking revelation, huh?

And then, there's the "Protection" part of the equation -- "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil" -- While we were going through infertility treatments, I would get so anxious on the day that I would go in for blood work to see if I was pregnant. Five times I had procedures with this clinic, and five times I had pregnancy tests. And each time, it became increasingly more difficult for me to answer the call from the doctors office and to hear the answer that I just knew they were going to give me. And each time, I would get the same answer -- "your beta (pregnancy test) is positive, but your numbers are too low or not doubling." And, each time, I would fall apart. I would worry. I would cry and I would prepare my self for what I knew was going to happen. A miscarriage.

And after the fourth procedure, I was pregnant, but was told that we had to terminate the pregnancy with Methotrexate, which is a form of chemotherapy that kills all living and rapidly reproducing cells. In other words, kill my baby.

It was the most agonizing decision I ever had to make. I knew that I was pregnant, but they couldn't find a sac whenever they did a sonogram. They labeled this as an ectopic pregnancy, even though the sac wasn't in my tubes. I was told that we needed to terminate the pregnancy because my life could be in danger -- but still -- I was pregnant. It was my one heart's desire. And I had to give my doctor written permission to terminate this pregnancy. My heart was shattered. This was such an agonizing decision. I had to literally sign of on the dotted line to kill my baby, even as I desparately hung onto hope that the sac would just appear out of now where. But even as I walked through this "valley of the shadow of death," I knew I didn't have to fear, because God would protect me. Your valley may be different, but pain is pain, and God still holds us near to his heart and cares for what we are feeling.

As the Shepherd began to heal my heart again, I began to realize that my hopes did not lay in any earthly hands. My doctors couldn't "make" me get pregnant, and they certainly couldn't "keep" me pregnant. That was obvious to me after 4 miscarriages. They could use all their God given knowledge, but ultimately, my hope had to be in the Shepherd's hands. I had to trust His heart. And that was very hard to do, because I.COULD.NOT.SEE.HIS.HEART. And, if you're there now, or have ever been there, than you know how this can cause us to loose hope!

Romans 15:13 - Oh! May the God of hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!

That became so powerful to me! "Life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit" that gives me hope. I don't know about you, but I WANT THAT. And this one small scripture filled my broken heart with hope. Filled me with peace. Encouraged me to continue believing and having faith in the Shepherd that Guides Me and Protects Me even when I was crawling ever so slowly through the valley of death -- each and every time.

Many times, we hope and pray a miracle. I know I did -- desperately, in fact. But we need to remember that even when we don't get the answers we want -- we still know who we have trusted in, and we need continue to be faithful to God, because while His will may not always be ours, it is usually better!

Jeremiah 29:11-14 -- "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." (the Message)

Notice what this scripture says -- He knows what He's doing. He has it all planned out! When we call on him, and when we come to pray, he will listen to us!! Look what else it says -- "when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." YOWZA! When we get SERIOUS about finding Him, and want it MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE -- He will make sure we are not disappointed! Notice how the focus was taken off of our desires, wants or needs, and placed back on us seriously seeking HIM and wanting it more than anything else! I had taken my focus and desire off of God and had "filled my basket" with my desire for a baby. I really had to make a change in my attitude, my wants, and my desires!

IV. The fourth point is Trusting the Shepherd that Provides Friends and Comfort "For you are with me. Your rod and your staff the comfort me." (v4b)

So many times in my married life I have felt alone, even though my husband, who is my best friend, has always been there. And that's because our relationship was not focused on God as the center of it -- and it did not start out as the greatest of relationships, but ultimately, it has evolved to a beautiful, loving and trusting relationship, but it has required a lot of work, counseling, and a lot of change on both our parts.

My husband is very encouraging. Very positive. Very loving and caring. Always concerned. And most importantly, honest. At times brutally honest. But there are times, when you just need the shoulder of a girlfriend to cry on. Another woman who feels your pain on a different level and can offer a different depth of comfort. Someone who is honest but not brutally honest. You see, if I ask my husband if I look fat in something, my husband might say something like, "yes, honey ... you are fat, and you can't hide that with clothes" And my mind will say -- "Woa! Stop right there buddy!" (If there are any men reading, remember -- this is NOT something you want to say to your wife -- okay?) But if you ask the same thing to a girlfriend, she might say "Oh, don't worry about it! Let's start walking together every morning -- Here -- Have some chocolate. It'll make you feel better." Now, THAT's what I'm talking about!!!

And when we are faced with difficult, painful times, men process differently than women do, but the Shepherd provided me with Friends that Comfort. He knew my needs at different times through our struggles, and he knew which friend would fill my need. Whether it was a phone call, a prayer, encouragement, comfort, a card, a hug, or just letting me gripe. The Shepherd provided for me. He was with me intimately, and through the many people in my life, and it wasn't just one age group, it was a broad spectrum of women in all stages of spiritual maturity. I was blessed beyond measure and God showed his face to me in the form of my closest circle of friends, and by my sisters in the body of the church. He used them to comfort me with His rod and His staff.

John 15:12 says, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." And a true, Godly friend will hold this scripture to heart as they minister to a hurting friend. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that the only way to have a friend is to be one. These are wise words indeed, and they parallel a beautiful scripture found in Proverbs 18:24. The Message translation reads: "Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family."

Tomorrow will be the last installment of Trusting the Shepherd's Heart -- it's the wrap-up, folks -- and you've come this far -- might as well tune in tomorrow, too!
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Next, I'd like to encourage you to stop off at Heather's blog -- The Rollercoaster Ride of my Life and read this post (from yesterday): Wednesday's Word it's a great post on Longsuffering.
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Finally, don't forget that today is the National Day of Prayer (first Thursday of May). The task force for NDP is asking "America to honor God" -- "...Those who honor me I will honor..." 1 Samuel 2:30 (NIV)

"The bottom line for the National Day of Prayer, though, is that God has given Christians "marching orders" when it comes to prayer" in 2 Chronicles 7:14 -

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." (NIV)

"We need to go to prayer, to pray that our country would have His hand of protection upon us and that our leaders would be making decisions that align with and honor God."

Have a blessed day in the Lord!


All Contents Copyright [2005-2006] by GiBee at Kisses of Sunshine -- Please do not use contents without prior permission from the author. Thank you.

Knowing the Shepherds Heart, part 1

Many of you have requested that I share the lesson I taught at our women's retreat a few weeks ago ... so here is a condensed (but still long) version.

Trusting the Shepherd's Heart -- Today, I'll share two of the six traits I discovered about the Shepherd using Psalm 23 as our main text, as well as throwing in parts of my personal testimony here and there, hopefully enabling us to really know the Shepherd better so we can "Trust the Shepherd's Heart" fully.

Knowing the Shepherd is much more important than knowing the psalm. But, knowing the psalm can help us know the Shepherd.

"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. " Psalm 23 (NIV)

I. Trusting the Shepherd who Cares and Provides -- "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want." (v1)

Many times in our lives, things happen that leave us feeling scared or anxious. We wonder why these things are happening to us, or to our loved ones. Maybe it's a layoff notice, a miscarriage, a sickness or disease, an overdue bill, an empty refrigerator or gas tank, an accident, a destructive fire, or a death in the family...

There have been many times where I have prayed that God would provide for us. And he has. Most recently, having an infant, we have found that finances can be very tight, and can cause a bit of anxiety! But, my husband and I are always praying that God will take the anxiety from us, and whether it has been through a loving parent that takes us out to dinner, or provides us with formula, a sibling that has given us a financial gift, or even when we have thrown a desperate prayer into thin air, and money has popped out of the dryer while folding clothes, the Shepherd who cares has provided. There are no needs that are too small that we can't take them to our Shepherd in prayer.

Look what Matthew 6:25-34 has to say about this: "If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds. Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion--do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best--dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers--most of which are never even seen--don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." (The Message)

Okay -- that was long, but I love this scripture... especially in The Message translation. "There are far more important things in our life than the food we eat or the clothingHallelujah.. hallelujiah! God will take care of our everyday human concerns!

When we learn to trust in the Shepherd who Cares and Provides, then we learn that not only will He provide, but He will also remove our anxiety and worry from our hearts ... if we let Him! Now, He may not always provide according to our own schedule, or how we expect Him to provide ... but fortunately, He always has something better in mind! And look at the encouragement from this scripture ... it is telling us to RELAX (oh, that's hard!) and not to worry about "getting" so that God can do His thing -- and THAT'S what we can respond to!!!

I would love to stay home with my son... but I worry. Oh, yeah ... me ... worry, worry, worry ... about where the money is going to come from. But we have recently placed this worry at God's feet and we are trusting Him to provide a way. My biggest fear is going back to a life of poverty ... but really ... what's more important? "Materialistic things" or "God things?" Oh ... and did you see the last part of that verse? Yeah -- it's a big one -- Don't worry about missing out, but instead ... Give our entire attention to what God is doing right now!

II. Trusting The Shepherd of Rest and Peace -- The Shepherd who Restores my Soul. -- "He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." (v2-3a)

What comes to mind when you hear the words "green pastures" and "quiet waters?" When I think of green pastures and quiet waters, a pleasant scene comes to my mind. One of lush, bright green, soft, fresh and clean smelling grass, with spotted clumps of flowers. A lazy slow-moving stream runs quietly beside the pasture, giving me a sense of peace and stillness.

Many times, when we are faced with difficulties, we try to take care of it ourselves. If you are anything like me, you will fret, think about it, worry, get stressed, and lay awake at night trying to figure out how to take care of the problem. When really, there's probably nothing more that we can do than to lay it down at the feet of the Shepherd who provides us with rest and peace. The Shepherd that restores our worried and fretting souls.

One of my favorite scriptures is found in Philippians 4:6-7 -- "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." (The Message)

Oh, my goodness! That is such a wonderful blessing to those like me that worry, worry, worry... Did you hear what I just read? Let God know your concerns ... and before you know it ... A SENSE OF GOD'S WHOLENESS will come and SETTLE YOU DOWN. Does anyone else find the same sudden comfort in this verse that I do? Wouldn't a 'sense of God's wholeness' -- his PEACE -- be a wonderful thing? Is any one with me on this?

I don't know about you, but there have been many, MANY times where I have had to take my concerns to God and BEG him to settle me down. And He does. The second I pass my cares on to him. He immediately takes my worry on his own shoulders, allowing me to feel his peace and quiet rest, because He is the Shepherd of Rest and Peace. He restores my soul.

I just have to constantly remind my self that nothing is too great, or too small to commit into the hands of the Lord. That alone gives me peace. Whatever the circumstance, 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to cast all our anxiety on Jesus because he cares for us. It's an easy thing to read or say ... but a whole different thing aboutctually do! But the best thing abot that verse is ... He Cares For Us!!!

Tune in tomorrow for another installment of... Trusting the Shepherd's Heart


All Contents Copyright [2005-2006] by GiBee at Kisses of Sunshine -- Please do not use contents without prior permission from the author. Thank you.

Email Problems

I'm having problems with some of my email messages going straight into Bulk mail and then getting deleted.

If you have emailed me directly, and I have not responded, could you drop me another line? It may be that your message was deleted by accident.

Thank you, and sorry for the inconvenience!!!

Tuesday Toss-up

Tuesday's Toss-up is here again! It's YOUR turn to comment on my blog, and I can't wait to read your profound, funny, and at times, life changing thoughts!Here's how it works... Read the quote, process it a bit, and comment on what the quote means to you.

Oh, and don't worry about the length or theology behind your comment ... it can be short & sweet, or long and detailed... just GO FOR IT!!

"The life of a Christian is an education for higher service. No athlete complains when the training is hard. He thinks of the game, or the race."
Corrie Ten Boom

Remember -- no Googling ... original "first thoughts" from YOUR heart and mind only!!! AND -- check back through out the day to see what others have shared!!!

Monday Musings ... and a Meme!

[Edited to add: Well, look at that! I was tagged by KPJARA for the same Meme! Sorry, K -- maybe next time?!?!]

First and foremost ... I am soooo enjoying my new blog dress ... thanks, Susie! Tell me something ... do y'all see some stripes with dots off to the right? 'Cause I don't see it on my computer. Just wondering.

Next ... tomorrow is Tuesday's Toss Up. Also, on Wednesday and Thursday, I'll be posting two installments of what I shared at the women's retreat.

So ... great news all ... my tests came back just fine. Praise the Lord, and thanks for all your prayers. The nurse that called me with the results said that I might have had a miscarriage, or I might have a small cyst on my ovary (my betas (on the pregnancy test) could have been either so low that they didn't register or it was too late). I still don't know what happened ... The story of my life ... but at least I'm feeling greeeaaat today.

Even BETTER news ... Hunter's first tooth broke through ... so cute ... rigid, white, and adorable! I'm so proud of him... He's going to be a dentist. I just know it!

Anyway ... my exciting life at work continues ... last week was bring your child (political correctness) to work day, and there were a bazillion kids running around ... well, the girls were busy with important things like shredding paper, separating files, creating files, refilling files... while the boys were running around "gang-like" holding their fingers in the air like guns, shimmying themselves along walls, crawling on floors, making machine gun noises, and in general ... being boys. In fact, I went into one person's office to ask a question, and he and his son were busy surfing the internet ... and let me just say ... it smelled like, well -- like BOY in that room. I held my breath while he answered my question, exhaled long enough to say thanks, and left ... running for the safety of my work area. Phew!

And, as if having kids in the work area isn't joy enough, I have a new neighbor ... he's an older man (late 50's?) that looks like an overweight Larry from the Three Stooges, and evidently has had military background of some kind, because he is constantly saying... 'Hooo Ahhh.' His phone rings ... 'Hooo Ahhh.' His email chimes ... 'Hooo Ahhh.' Someone steps into his cube ... 'Hooo Ahhh.' He finishes a task ... 'Hooo Ahhh.' I tell ya ... I'm gonna have to put a plug in his 'Hooo Ahhh' if he doesn't stop saying that!!!

Finally -- I was tagged by Sandra with this Meme -- Hope you enjoy it!

I AM: praying that God will bless us financially somehow so I can be a SAHM. Any financial sponsors out there? Just checking.

I WANT: my son to grow up with a passionate love for Christ.

I WISH: I could loose 5,000 pounds ... somehow ... anyhow.

I HATE: Contentious people.

I MISS: My parents -- they live 6 hours away ;-(

I HEAR: Tom Cruise joked about wanting to eat the placenta and umbilical cord after fiance Katie Holmes had their baby -- there is something seriously wrong with this man.

I WONDER: How many children God will bless us with.

I REGRET: Getting such a big house and being strapped to a mortgage that requires two incomes. Ugh!

I AM NOT: as organized as some people think I am. Especially not after my son was born (you should see my house today ... chaos!)

I DANCE: to 80's and latin music ... fun stuff!

I SING: Christian contemporary and praise and worship music.

I CRY: for the children that are starving and dying around the world.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: able to trust that God will provide and/or make a way. (type A personality -- control freak extraordinare)

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: anything that doesn't require extensive knowledge of using a sewing machine or power tools.

I WRITE: on my blog, your blog, their blog ... everywhere ... oh yeah, and my prayer journal.

I CONFUSE: Peacemaking with Peacekeeping.

I NEED: a good highlight job. And a brain transplant. Any donors interested?

I SHOULD: start walking more.

I START: to diet and end up eating chocolate.

I FINISH: anything chocolate. Anything.

I TAG: Faithful Mommy, Just Peachy, Momrn2, Sermon From The Mount [of laundry] (because she's bored), and The Tales of Mama D

GiBee, signing out... Hooo Ahhh

Living Beyond Yourself -- Week 5

I don't even know how to share what I want to without making this a mile-long post... but, here it goes...

This week, our lesson concentrated on Peace. And during the video series, Beth pointed out the difference between a Peacemaker and a Peacekeeper ... and let me just say ... that really struck a chord with me.

As I've mentioned before, I am a people pleaser. I hate controversy and conlfict. HATE it. And I now realize that for the majority of my life, I was acting as a peacekeeper, and not a peacemaker. For three years, I worked with a man that loved contention. He was my supervisor. He would constantly tear me down in front of my co-workers, argue with me, yell at me, and try to start fights with me. My co-workers just couldn't understand why he became so abusive with me... I have always said it's because I refused to give in to his desire to argue with him. I kept quiet, tried to patch things up, moved on ... despite the fact that my husband and coworkers all advised me to report this man to Human Resources.

I just couldn't. I was paralyzed with the fear of loosing my job, or of tarnishing my own good reputation at work. I was afraid of being labeled the "trouble maker" -- even though his behavior was unethical and abusive.

Beth pointed out in her video that the some of the motivations behind a "lover of contention" are misery, and power -- a desire to be in control, which is very strong and manipulative. He was all of this. He caused so much stress in my life. And fear. In fact, while working under him, I had three miscarriages. Not a good thing.

Finally, when I was 7 months pregnant with Hunter, I had reached my limit. I went to Human Resources and reported him, taking with me all my documentation. They began an investigation. When I was 8 months pregnant, I was put on bed rest. And the day I went on bed rest, he advertised my position. That created a whole different upheaval, but while I was sad to leave my coworkers and a job I absolutely loved, my HR rep and I decided it was for the best... And my husband pointed out that it may very well be God's hand in all of this. Needless to say, he has burned many bridges, insulted many other people higher up than me, and has left a bad reputation for himself.

I can look back and see all the times I tried to keep peace. But I really felt like I was in the middle of a spiritual warfare. You see, he was of a different ... How can I say this gently ... belief system. One that acknowledges Christ as a good man and an important profit, but not his god. Many think that his god and my God are one in the same. They are not. And each time I stepped foot into my office, I could feel evilness hanging like a thick cloud in our area. It cause a lot of anxiety in me. Not peace.

Beth shared a scripture in her video that was ME ... ME ME ME, I tell you!!!

"They dress the wound of my people as though it were not
serious. "Peace, peace," they say, when there is no peace."
Jeremiah 8:11

They dress the deep, ugly, baaaad wound with a bandaid and say... it's going to be just fine, really ... it is. But IT'S NOT. And that's exactly what I was trying to do. For three years. Folks, I was NOT in a healthy state (as Beth said)!

Another scripture that Beth laid out for us (in Day 3 of our homework) --

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

The peace I was trying to create was not like the Peace that Christ gives us. I was troubled. I was afraid. And that was no way to live. Now, I have a new job (one that I don't like very much) but, I'm not at work until midnight, or even 3:00 in the morning any more. And, I have a great boss.

I'll tell you what ... I want "peace like a river ... not a pond" -- yeah, Beth said that, too! But this little Texan lady is smart ... and carries a walloping spiritual punch!

Ta Daaaa!!!

What do you think of my blog's "new dress" as Susie, the designer of my template put it??? Didn't she do a wonderful job!

Thanks, Susie ... you did a stupendous, awesome, fantastical job! I LOVE IT!!!

Let her know what you think in the comments, and go ... no RUN to her site and check out her awesome prices ... quick ... before she's inundated... A Little Luxury

P.S. -- A special thanks to Shannon at Rocks In My Dryer for sharing Susie with me!!

Friday stuff ... and some food fun, too!

I am totally up to my eyeballs in commodity markets, commodity pricing, trend analysis, global economy outlook, manufacturing reports, financial flows and industry news. I'm trying to finish a newsletter for work, and I need a break! I'm tired of pretending to be smart this week ... it is simply exhausting!

But first, I just wanted to show you a couple out-of-focus pictures of traffic on the beltway around Washington, D.C. --











Like I've mentioned before ... I live just outside DC, but our women's retreat was a little closer to DC than I care to venture, and this is what I was driving in... 8-lane highway (4 lanes on each side ... but at some points, it is 6 on each side), bumper to bumper of slow moving traffic, both ways ... ugh! The pictures are out of focus, because I took them while I was trying to drive. Not something I'd recommend!

Now ... for a few things that bring a smile to my face. The first picture I want to share with you is one of my son's foot. Yes, his foot brings a smile to my face. Why? Well, because he has one lone freckle on the bottom of his foot. Now, freckles run in my husband's side of the family, so I'm sure he'll eventually have a face or even body full of freckles. But right now, the only freckle on his entire body is on the bottom of his foot. And over the last couple of months... it's gone from a pin-head sized freckle to what you see now. I'm thinking it might be a birth mark, because all of my sister's kids have the same freckle on the bottom of their foot, and my mom does too. So cute. And whenever I undress him, or change his socks, or change his diaper, I always grab his bare feet, pretend to sniff them, and say... "Who's tinky (stinky) toes are these??? Pooo tinky! They are Hunters tinky toes!" And then I kiss all over them and tickle them. They're not really stinky ... so I'm not sure why I started to say that to him, but he laughs and laughs when I do that ... and the poor child is going to grow up thinking stinky is pronounced tinky ... So... here's a picture of Hunter's "tinky toes ..."


Next, I wanted to share a couple pictures of the bracelets we made at the women's retreat ... each of the colored beads represents a verse in Ps 23, and is a tool for memorizing the Psalm, as well as a reminder that He is with us...











I also wanted to share a picture of a gift that was given to me for speaking at the women's retreat. I simply adore it. And it is perfect for me. And the person that picked it out knows me intimately ... better than most people know me ... my sister-in-law!!! And she knows I love teapots, AND love lime green!!! She also put together some awesome goody bags for the other women that had a worship CD, a Point of Grace tape, a starbucks gift certificate, little candies, one of those bracelets like Lance Armstrong wears, and I can't remember what else she put in there... but they were adorable. Any way -- here's my new tea pot --










And, finally ... before we get to the food fun, I just wanted to leave you hanging on the edge of your seats ... because ... Susie (her own blog is so cute) at A Little Luxury has re-designed my blog template, and she has done a FABU job on it!!! It is so adorable, and incorporates ALL my favorite colors -- pink, lime green, oh, the list goes on! So keep your eyes peeled for the change!!!

Now, here is a recipe that I used to make when I worked with the youth in our church, and we had all-nighters. I'm assuming they liked it, because it was always GONE. Of course, I didn't make it for them, but rather, for me, because I love s'mores, and also, because I'm selfish like that! Also, it's nice to change up the rice crispy bars every now and then and have a different kind of bar treat! It's not a GiBee original recipe, but go ahead and try it out with your kids or youth ... it's so easy and tres good! (um, feeble attempt at french for very good) --

Golden Graham S'mores

3/4 c. light corn syrup
3 tbsp. butter
1 pkg. (11.5 oz.) milk chocolate morsels (not semi-sweet)
3 c. miniature marshmallows
1 tsp. vanilla
1 pkg. (12 oz.) Golden Graham cereal (9 c.)

1. Grease rectangular pan, 13x9x2 inches.
2. Heat syrup, butter and morsels to boiling, stirring constantly. Remove from heat, stir in vanilla.
3. Pour over cereal; toss until coated. Fold in marshmallows, 1 cup at a time. Press in pan with buttered back of spoon. Let stand 1 hour.
4. Cut into 2 inch squares. Store loosely covered at room temperature up to 2 days. Makes 24 squares.

Let me know how you like it!!!

(Note: I only updated this to space the pictures out better. No content was changed)

With friends like that...

Oh, my! I am overwhelmed by your outpouring of love, support and prayers! I don't even know where to start.

Tuesday, while I was driving to the doctor, I called my husband on his cell phone. We were traveling on the same 4-lane highway, but going in opposite directions at the same time, and I thought I had passed him. Sure enough, I did. I told him I wasn't feeling well, and was worried about my doctor's appointment. Of course, that worry was nothing like yesterday's worry!!! He immediately prayed with me, and told me he had called his sister and asked her to pray for me, too. Which was so calming. She's a prayer warrior, and I KNOW that if her brother asked her to pray ... SHE DID. That, and my husband's prayer, carried me through the appointment. I haven't told the rest of the family any of this, because we don't really KNOW what's going on yet ... but that's okay... my sister in law does read this, so she's probably keyed in on this now.

Then, last night, I was a ball of tears. My husband innocently said something, it hurt my feelings, and I cried for about an hour. Maybe it was all the stress being released ... who knows. But it did me good to cry it out! My son didn't know what to make of it, but ... at least I'm a quiet crier and not a loud sobby kind of crier ... so while he was perplexed, he wasn't scared! LOL! (I can be a drama queen, and freak out easily -- shocking, huh?)

It's funny how when you are in a "freak-out" moment, you forget everything you know ... know what I mean? For instance ... Shalee was right in her comment ... I have a number of good prayer warriors lifting me up to God. (Okay -- she is right about having a hot fudge sundae after the mamogram, too! A girl after my own heart!) KPJara shared Psalm 18:2, which is a song I sing whenever I'm distressed... thank you for the reminder. Aggiejenn shared a beautiful prayer from Stormie Omartian's "A Book of Prayer." Flip Flop reminded me to STAY OFF THE INTERNET (I know she wasn't yelling at me!) -- and for the record -- flat hair is just that ... hair that is obnoxiously flat when it should be bouncy! Perri -- I see your point ... fortunately, I am blessed to have a husband who baby's me and cares for me no matter what!!! He always goes above and beyond his share of duties ... Praise God for my husband!

Kristen reminded me of Proverbs 3:5 -- and to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding, and Faith emailed me a reminder of Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. MomRN2 -- I can't imagine having to make the decision of having a "preventative mastectomy" -- I keep telling myself that technology has just GOT to come out with something better for us women ... and soon! Thank you for carrying this load for me! I'll carry yours for you!

And SHANNON -- well, daggone it ... she pretty much hit the nail on the head ... Here's what she said in the comments ... she told me that I'm "not only carrying around the burden of worrying, but you're carrying around GUILT for being worried. Is it normal to be fearful when uncertain things happen? OF COURSE. When your son is frightened would you scold him for being afraid, or would you scoop him up in your arms and let him cry until he felt better? Certainly, you would do the latter. Instead of beating yourself for feeling normal human emotions, just take them to your Father in all honesty, and know that He'll hold you just the same way you'd hold your own child. " She's a smart chick. Okay -- ALL of you are, because you agreed with her, too!

And ALL of you reminded me that you are praying for me and have either been there, done that, or had similar scares. You all speak from experience ... tempered with grace and love.

Oh, yeah ... and Holymama! My goodness, God is sooooo good, isn't He?

See what I mean? Sometimes, you just need to be reminded of the basics!!! You all have done that for me! And besides ... Carol told me I'm no longer allowed to worry about this ... so that's good enough for me!

With friends like this, how can a girl go wrong?

(Sorry I didn't include any links with names ... I'm feeling rather lazy today and overloaded with work, so I'm rushing...)

I'm feeling stormy today... Sort of

You know those blogs (and I apologize if yours is one of them) that list what mood the person is in? Sunny, Stormy, etc.... Well, those usually irritate me. I cant really say why, but sometimes I look at that description next to the word "MOOD:" and I think to myself... "Ehhh ... who cares?"

Well, by now, I'm sure you've gathered that I'm in "a mood" today. And yeah ... it's pretty stormy! And men -- before you go any further -- be warned that this is a girlie post with female "stuff" in it ... so run away now ... or don't whine, because I'll say I told you so!

For the past few months, I've been having "break through bleeding." This is common with women taking the birth control pill (no lectures, please ... I take it for medical reasons ... obviously not to prevent pregnancy since I am a recovering infertile!). Break through bleeding is normal, and will often resolve itself -- but if it doesn't -- then it is usually a simple matter of switching to another pill with either higher estrogen or higher progesteron content.

Any men with me still? Because I did warn you ... Also, ladies ... if you don't like getting personal, you too may want to move on too!

In February, I started spotting at the end of the month. In March, it was heavier in the beginning of the month, light in the end of the month, in April, light in the beginning of the month, and then ... this past weekend ... Satan slammed me! I had horrible lower back pain, abdominal pain, heavy spotting, light spotting, no spotting, etc. I have felt light headed for the past month and a half, and quite exhausted, at times, going to bed right after my son (at 8:00!).

So I finally made an appointment with my OBGYN. When I arrived, he looked at me and asked me, "what do YOU think is happening?"

"Well," I said, "My common sense tells me I probably have a cyst on my ovary. But ... if I didn't know better, I'd say I was having another miscarriage, but I know that's not possible, because I've been on the birth control pill since November." [ha, ha ... I was joking around with him ... a good thing to do with your OBGYN while being examined, right?]

So he examines me. And looks at me and says ... "I don't feel any cysts, but your uterus in slightly enlarged and mushy."

And I, ever so articulate, just looked at him and said, "Huh? What does that mean?" He replied, "This is common with women right after they have a baby."

Now, I look at him, and say (with a slightly raised voice), "But, that was 7 months ago!" And calmly, gently, he says to me, "I want to draw some blood and take some tests. Now, I don't want to freak you out... it's probably nothing. But I'm going to order a pregnancy test. It could be a miscarriage, it could be a cyst, or it could be something else."

"WHAT?!" Uh, yeah ... he had to peel me off the ceiling. "How is that possible? I have been on the birth control pill!" He asked a few more questions, and I informed him that I had been sick in February and had taken an antibiotic. "Well, GiBee, you know that many times, an antibiotic can render the pill ineffective, but like I said, it's probably nothing. It's probably a small cyst that I can't see. We'll call you later in the week to let you know what the test says. Also, I want you to go for a mamogram."

NOW I'm starting to freak. I'm only 38. I say to him, "I thought I had a few more years until I had to do that!" And, calmly, he replies... "I know, but I want to get a baseline for you. But, don't worry, I didn't see anything that alarmed me or caused concern. But, your [paternal] grandmother had breast cancer, and I want to get a head start on your mamograms." (I don't even know what a baseline is in mamogram talk ... all I know is ... it's gonna hurt. And it's not gonna be fun, people! Sheesh, and I worry about flat hair ... there are many other things I would prefer NOT be flat!)

Then, when I went out to the nurses station to collect my paper work, I saw the ticket for the blood work. There were a lot of things checked, and I didn't understand any of them. And I said, "Is this for my blood work?" (Obviously, YES, because my name was on it) He casually leaned over, then picked up the paper, laid it on top of my chart, placed his hand over it and said, "yes, I'll make sure it gets with your vials of blood."

I wonder if he realizes how much he really DID, in fact, FREAK ME OUT!

Now, I just taught at the women's retreat about fear, worries, and laying them down at God's feet and walking away from them. About trusting the Shepherd's Heart ... Something I personally struggled to do the entire time I battled with infertility, up until the very last month before I got pregnant when I finally gave it all to God.

And here I am again! Worried. Anxious. And performing Dr. Google searches and self diagnosing. And what I'm finding is unsettling. It's the "C WORD" -- Uterine Cancer. Cervical Cancer. Ovarian Cancer. And ... Breast Cancer. Practically every woman's fears!!!

Sure ... in the back of my head are my doctor's reassurances that all is well ... this is common ... it's probably nothing ... don't freak out ... But in the forefront of my head I'm thinking ... something is wrong ... I'm "enlarged" ... and not just in my stomach, hips and butt where I expect to see middle age spreading and enlarging ... but I'm enlarged inside ... that can't be good!

Now ... what is it I have to do with my worries? Lay them where? How? Why?

*Insert BIG Sigh here* Many times in my life I've had worries. And I've carried them around. And, MAN! They can get heavy and exhausting. So, isn't it time I take a bit of my own advice? Learn from past experiences? In fact, when I laid my worries at Christ's feet and walked away from them, he swept them away from my heart, and actually removed my fears from my mind. I mentioned briefly yesterday about doing just this and I thought I'd give you a bit more background on that expression.

A dear friend of our family used to live in this area, but ironically, has moved to Oklahoma, and is probably the only person in that state that doesn't blog! Any way, she is a breast cancer survivor, and she shared a wonderful, wonderful analogy, and basically, with a few embellishments on my part, here it is: she said we tend to carry our worries, fears, anxieties around in a suitcase (baggage ... get it?). Sunday morning, we lug our heavy suitcase to the altar, pop it open, and all or our life's "messy things" in our overstuffed suitcase pop out ... we pray, pray, pray -- asking God to take our "issues" -- and then -- we neatly stuff (or maybe cram in some instances) all our issues back into the suitcase, and lug it back to our seat with us. Then, when we leave church, we take our suitcase with us and carry it around every waking minute, all week long. Protecting them. Obsessing over them. Sharing them with others, but not letting go of them.

Oh, yeah. I can see that. Can you?

Instead, we should be taking the suitcase to God, opening it up, dumping it at God's feet saying, "Here God ... this is all my stuff ... take it from me" (okay, maybe a little more politely) and then WALK AWAY. With OUT the suitcase ... 'cause, really ... you shouldn't need it any more!

So easy to preach, and in reality ... difficult to practice.

In the mean time, while I was typing this post, my husband called. I shared with him all my worries and fears. I teared up and had to stop. He immediately started to pray for me and encouraged me not to worry until we have something to worry about. Smart man!

Okay -- *big, BIG SIGH* No more searches on Google. No more obsessing. I'm turning all my worries to the Lord, and I'm walking away.

So, I started this post feeling stormy and frightened. Now, a mere HOUR later, I'm just cloudy and partly sunny.

Ps. 57:1:

"Be good to me, God--and now! I've run to you for dear life. I'm hiding out under your wings until the hurricane blows over."

(The Message)

"Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed."

(NIV)

oh, Oh, OH! MY! GOODNESS!

Never... NEVER take away a woman's computer when she's just returned from a retreat and wants to share, share, share!!! Never!

My computer has been down and being fixed and I just got it back today ... about 1 hour ago ... and I thought I would DIE without it!

Needless to say, I missed you all very very much! I feel so out of the loop! So after I post, and as I sit here sipping my Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi and munching on my healthy salad (oh, BLASTED -- I can NOT lie ... I also have a cupcake. But it's white -- not chocolate, so it doesn't really count), I'll slowly start catching up with each one of you. 'Kay?

So, sure enough... satan attacked me on Friday. I had an attack of the PCOS way with plenty of abdominal pain, lower back pain, and ... other stuff ... don't worry. I'm seeing my doctor this afternoon. But as the trooper I am ... life went on and satan did not keep me down or win this fight!

The weekend was a cold, rainy, WONDERFUL and PERFECT weekend to be in a bed and breakfast (well, we think that's what it was) with a bunch of women!!!

So tell me something ... what do you get when you mix 12 women, spinach dip, salsa, chips, vegetable platter, chocolate chip cookies, rice cakes and macaroon-chocolate-raspberry tarts together?

You get 12 very giddy, talkative, animated women having a good ol' time ... oh yeah ... and a platter of untouched rice cakes. Duh!!! (our pastor's wife brought them ... I love her DEARLY, but... what was she thinking?!?!?)

God started working Friday night. And, I mean WORKING, girls! I love big retreats, but there is NOTHING more intimate than a small group of women! The devotion opened all our hearts to an honest time of sharing and ministering to each other. It just amazes me ... no one ... and I mean NO ONE ... can tell me they don't have a problem or a single care in this world. Because if they do try to tell me that, I just won't believe them! Everyone, no matter what your age, has a concern, whether it's your health, an unsaved loved one, a problematic marriage, a troublesome child, job dissatisfaction, hurt feelings, aging ... everyone has something. I was just amazed, because my fears were erased that night.

You see ... my message the next day was called "Knowing the Shepherd's Heart" based on Psalm 23, and learning to lay our worries at the Shepherd's feet and walk away without them. My testimony was intertwined, which was, of course, about my marriage and my battle with infertility. And I went to the retreat knowing it was what God wanted me to share, but wondering if anyone would relate to it (because we had women from 30-something all the way up to 60-something, and no one really dealt with or understood infertility). And the devotion that was shared Friday night, and all the prayer concerns and problems that were shared opened my eyes to the revelation that we all have "issues," no matter what stage of life we're in ... and women worry. We all do.

Most people view Psalm 23 as the "death Psalm" or a "Psalm for the dying" -- but really, there is so much to learn from this Psalm that can be used on a daily basis! I can't possibly condense three hours of sharing into a small post. I tried ... but came up with three pages (top to bottom), so if any one wants to know about the lesson, and has any suggestions on how I can share it without having a mile-long post, I'm open to suggestions!

I think we came away from the weekend with renewed hearts to pray, study God's word, and lay our troubles at God's feet. We ate, played, laughed, sang, cried, cried, oh, and did I mention, cried? And last, but not least, we all came away with a deeper love and understanding for each other. We ministered to each other in a very special way, too. Through our own trials, and examples of our personal dependency on Jesus Christ.

What a wonderful weekend. If you ever have the opportunity to go away for a small retreat (or a large one) ... go. Don't ask questions. Just go. God will truly bless your socks off.

By the way ... the bracelets we made were an absolute hit! There are 10 colored stones, and each color reminds us of a verse in Psalm 23 ... kind of like the salvation bracelet. I'll post a picture of it tomorrow.

Okay ... I have 1-1/2 hours to catch up on all my blogs before I go to the doctor's office.... Hopefully, I'll get to all of them!

Have a blessed day!

Friday Craziness

Okay ... just a quick update ... I am swamped! Work, home, retreat .... too much to do, not enough time. GAAA! Quick -- how can I loose 5 pounds by ... TOMORROW?!?

I just wanted you all to know that I will not be able to post much today, or the whole weekend, for that matter ... and I feel rather lost that I haven't been able to visit all of my fav blogs this past week. Oh, I got a few in here or there... but not ALL of them!

So, don't feel slighted or hurt or forgotten if I haven't left comments at your place lately ... or if I haven't left comments in my comments section answering questions, or whatever we do in comment sections ... it's not you. It's me! CRAZY-BUSY!

I have a quick retreat update: I finally finished my handout (outline, scriptures, etc.) for the retreat, I have all craft things pulled together into individual little bags and ready to go, my outline is DONE and has gone UNCHANGED for two whole days (PTL) ... and I think I'm ready for the retreat this weekend. We have a LOT to cover in a short amount of time! I thought I'd be scared or nervous by now, but all of your encouraging words have done wonders to boost my moral and my courage! You have all been a blessing to me these past few weeks.

So now ... I'm so excited ... and I just can't hide it ... I'm about to loose control and I think I like it (I like it ... but YOU may not!) -- so stay clear of this exclamation-living girlie girl as I grab my bags and head of to our intimate little women's retreat this afternoon! The Holy Spirit is working already, and I sense that there will be a whole lot of God things going on this weekend!!!

I hope that you all enjoy this weekend, and I find you all happy, healthy, and ready to start a new week for God's glory on Monday!

... But first, let me just grab my Peanut Butter and Pickle sandwich ...

Meme Craziness -- now leave me alone for a while!

I was Tagged ... Twice ... AND ... I volunteered for the third! What ... Am I crazy or something?

Yeah, don't answer that. This is gonna be a long one, folks! make sure you check out who I tagged ... it might be you!!! The tags are in two places on this post, and TAG is in RED.

First, the easy memos (2) that I was tagged for ...

I. Six Random Things Meme -- tagged by Morning Glory at Seeds From My Garden --

The meme is to list 6 random things about yourself and then tag 6 people to play along -- Good luck with the six people ... But here it goes ...

1. I love to decorate my home with a Pottery Barn-ey Italian-ey feeling, with wrought iron pieces and a bit of whimsy thrown in ... Go figure that style out!
2. I absolutely LOVE whimsical Bumblebees, Butterflies, dragonflies, flowers ... etc.
3. The first home we ever owned was an historical "bungalow" style home that had German shingles on the outside that were painted mint green and pink, and had a white picket fence ... My mother painted whimsical murals on the inside of the house with Peter Rabbit and his garden in the kitchen, a topiary on the inside door of the powder room (located under the stairs), and on the second floor, a stream with a tree and fat bumblebees, lazy butterflies, and sweet blue birds ... All in washed watercolors style.
4. My current home is totally contemporary in style, see #1 for decorating style.
5. I could get lost reading books!
6. I love spending every single free moment I have with my husband and son!

II. Six Weird Things Meme -- tagged by Lauren at Created for His Glory

Here are the rules of this tag:
1. Go write weird facts/things/etc. About yourself in my comment box and on your blog, then tag six more people! (Do I even know six people that haven't been tagged with this yet?)
2. Then leave a comment that says "You are tagged" in their comments telling them to read your blog. ENJOY! (Yeah... I'm really gonna enjoy admitting that I'm weird... Shhhh --- don't tell anyone else!)

1. I hate having my feet under covers. HATE IT. And I can't wear socks in bed. And while we're at it... I hate sheets. I have a small down cover I use year round, and that's it. My husband has his own cover he uses -- this prevents fights over covers (especially in a king-size bed)!
2. I love peanut butter and dill pickle sandwiches on soft white bread. If I can't find pickles, green olives will do just fine. Don't knock it until you try it!
3. There are certain things that must be salted properly before cooking ... boiling water for spaghetti or rice, hamburger while/before it's cooking (okay -- all meats), and furthermore, I must have salt on bananas, apples and watermelon.
4. I MUST have ice cubes in my glass of milk. Especially with PB&J, cookies, or cake!
5. I MUST wash my dishes, flatware, glasses, etc. in the dishwasher. I'm a germ-phob and can't stand hand-washed stuff. Don't let me know it didn't go through the dishwasher if I come to your house!
6. I have to polish (really, it's just cleaning) flatware and examine my glass for cleanliness when I go to restaurants. If the items mentioned are NOT UP TO PAR ... they go back. AND ... I hate getting wet plates at a salad bar. I won't eat off of a wet plate. EEEWWWW!

Wow! That was easier than I thought it would be! The following people are tagged to do both the 6 Weird Things Meme and the 6 Random Things Meme!

I tag (for BOTH Memes of 6): 1) SUSAN at 5 Minutes for Mom (this blog is shared by Janice and Susan ... twins. Janice was already tagged. Yay me for being so smart!) 2)Heather at The Roller Coaster Ride of My Life 3) Queen Beth from From Her Majesty's Throne 4) Karen at The Big Trade Off 5) Randi at I Have To Say 6) Heth at From Under The Laundry Pile

Now I see I have a LOT of people I can still tag! Watch out! (If anyone needs ideas on who to tag, just let me know -- insert evil chuckle here!)

======================================

III. The Longest Meme of Fours In The Entire World! -- I volunteered for this torture after reading Momrn2's Meme at My Quiet Corner (Private prayer -- Lord: What was I thinking? Why didn't you throw a lightening bolt my way and loudly say: GiBee -- These are not the plans I have for thee!) Well, if anything ... you'll learn a whole lot about me!

REVISED to add: I just found out that Susanne tagged me for this in the comments at Shalee's Thoughts! At the same time she tagged Momrn2! Well now... aren't I just the most observant person in the world?!? Sorry for missing that, Susanne! At least I didn't re-tag Shalee, because I saw that she had already done it!!!

Okay -- here we go:

4 jobs I've had:
1. Assistant Manager at Hickory Farms (highschool, people!)
2. Disbursement Assistant at the World Bank (best job in the world)
3. Church Secretary at our Church (this job was right up there with the best!)
4. Mommy and Wife (okay -- THIS ONE is the best!)

4 Movies I Have Watched Over and Over:
1. Steel Magnolias
2. Love Comes Softly (Hallmark Channel, people!!!)
3. A Walk in the Clouds
4. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (okay... I haven't seen it yet ..But once I do, it will be on this list anyway, so why not put it on now?)

4 Websites I visit Regularly:
1. Oh -- all my friends blogs ... I have 5,239 friends that blog, and I read every single one! Okay, not really ... more like 72 new friends I've met blogging back and forth
2. Google -- "I can't live if livin' is without it!"
3. Biblegateway.com -- it's my right arm
4. Yahoo mail

4 Favorite Foods:
1. Peruvian Ceviche (oh, my heart be still)
2. Spaghetti and Meatballs with Meat Sauce
3. Steak (okay -- red meat)
4. Mom's potato salad

4 Places I Would Rather Be Right Now:
1. Lancaster, PA
2. Bermuda
3. Main
4. Outerbanks

4 Books I have read Over and Over (other than the Bible):
1. Abram's Daughters Series (5 books) by Beverly Lewis
2. Mark of the Lion Series (3 books) by Francine Rivers (oh, my goodness -- so good!)
3. Any of the O'Malley Series by Dee Henderson (the Chronicle Series have 2 books that contain 3 entire stories in each)
4. The Redemption Series by Karen Kingsbury and Gary Smalley

4 Musical Artists that I will never tire of hearing: (Just 4???)
1. Third Day
2. Point of Grace
3. Salvador
4. Casting Crowns

4 Reasons Why I Blog:
1. I can meet wonderful new friends
2. I can share my heart
3. I can encourage and be encouraged
4. I am spiritually challenged, and can in turn, challenge others

Okay ... here are 4 people I tag: 1) Sheri at Shades of Pink, 2) KPJara at Can You Hear Me Now? 3) Mama D at The Tales of Mama D 4) Perri at My Life in Bits and Pieces

Wednesday Wrap Up

I'm torn... I want to do a Wednesday Wrap Up, but I also want to post pictures... so I think I'll do both -- and we'll start off with the Wrap Up, then I'll post pics this afternoon, okay?

As usual ... you all blew me away. I hope that you check back from time to time to read the other comments... they are simply amazing ... from the simplest one liner to the blovel -- I love reading each and every one! I love this song so much. It moves my heart each time I sing it or even read the words.

"You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek, You are my all in all. Seeking You as a precious jewel, Lord to give up I'd be a fool, You are my all in all."

So, to me, this particular part of the song brings to mind Matthew 6:19-21 where we are told not to store our treasures here on earth.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matt. 6:19-21

I wonder ... are my priorities in order? Do I seek the Lord as a precious jewel? As my treasure? Or do I put a higher priority on seeking other things in my life that can be destroyed by moths and rust, or can be stolen? It's really something to analyze in each of our lives, because look at the last part of that scripture... where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. I have to question myself... where is my heart? Is it seeking the things of the Father? Am I about his business? Or is it seeking things that make me happy in the "here and now?"

Sometimes I question my priorities, because in this area... things are so expensive. We both have to spend a lot of time at work so that we can pay our $2500 mortgage. Ouch! But -- we both have used cars, so there's no treasure there. I do love "things" ... but since we had our son, my priorities have changed so much! I have an innocent, tiny person to take care of now. He looks to me for his every need. Is that how I look to my Father? As a babe? Do I look to him for my every need to be taken care of, or am I spinning my wheels here and trying to fill all my own needs and take care of myself?

I know many times while I was battling infertility, I often thought of giving up. It was so difficult to imagine that my God ... a loving and caring God ... would want me to be barren the rest of my life. Without child. It really rocked my faith at times. And looking at this particular verse of the song, the word FOOL really strikes me hard! It is such a strong word ... I looked it up on Google this morning, because I wanted to show you the definition of FOOL: a person who is gullible and easy to take advantage of; a person who lacks good judgment -- WOW! How true is that? If I don't seek the Lord ... if I give up, I would be a person who lacked good judgment ... who could be easily taken advantage of. Huh! Brings a whole new meaning to light, doesn't it?

You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek, You are my all in all. Seeking You as a precious jewel, Lord to give up I'd lack good judgment or be taken advantage of, You are my all in all.

A few of you mentioned Phil 4:13 -- "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I have learned that if I'm not constantly wrapped in the word (I love that expression), the Holy Spirit, and my focus is not on God, I falter in my faith. I become weak and easily frightened -- lack strength. I KNOW that realistically, I can't do all things. And... I'm honest enough to accept that even through Christ I may not do ALL things... but I can face and accept the outcome. I had to learn to think this way after so many miscarriages. I would often say, "Oh! I'm pregnant! I can hold onto this pregnancy, because with Christ, I can do all things, and he wants me to have the desires of my heart!" -- Well, that's true and not true. His timing is everything! Mine isn't. BUT, what I did learn is that with Christ I had the strength I needed to get through another miscarriage. I had his grace covering me. I had his love soothing me. I had his peace. To me, that's part of what that scripture means.

This is one of the very reasons I love praise and worship music. The words cause me to think. Cause me to review. Causes pause in my life. And, strikes up good conversation!

Tuesday Toss-Up

Tuesday's Toss-up is here again! It's YOUR turn to comment on my blog, and I can't wait to read your profound, funny, and at times, life changing thoughts!

Here's how it works... Read the quote (today, it's part of a song), process it a bit, and comment on how you (or we) can apply this to your (or our) lives ... or what the quote means to you. Oh, and don't worry about the length or theology behind your comment ... it can be short & sweet, or long and detailed... just GO FOR IT!!

You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek, You are my all in all. Seeking You as a precious jewel, Lord to give up I'd be a fool, You are my all in all.
by: Dennis Jernigan with Shepherd's Heart Music
(A.K.A. -- A good ol' Oklahoma boy!)

Be sure to visit Dennis Jernigan's site to read his awesome testimony!

Remember -- no Googling ... original "first thoughts" from YOUR heart and mind only!!! AND -- check back through out the day to see what others have shared!!!

Revised to add: Please go to Heather's blog (The Roller Coaster Ride of My Life) She is so precious! You've just got to get to know her and her blog!

Monday Musings

Okay ... First, I want to apologize to all my blogging friends... I have not gone to hardly anyone's blog for about three days. Actually, I made it on a few times, only to be called away by either Hunter, my husband, or my parents. I feel like I'm being torn into 20 pieces! I MISS MY BLOGGING FRIENDS!!! Also, sorry to post so late!

Now, just a few quick things. I had a lovely Easter with my family. We had leg of lamb (yeah, I like it okay, but I'd only eat it once a year ... for my parent's sakes!), yuuuuummmmy shitake mushroom and spinach bread pudding (fancy name for stuffing - mmmmmm!), asparagus, new potatoes, broccoli slaw, and tres leches for dessert. What did y'all have?

Then... I just wanted to share my most embarrassing, disgusting, horrific experience that I've ever had ... and quickly, because I'm sure I'll forget about it soon (hehehehe! On Purpose!) ... So, I arrived at church on Sunday, and ran through my song, and then sat down for Sunday School. My dear and kind (yet very honest) husband came and sat next to me. I very demurely crossed my ankles and placed my hands on my lap (read: crossed my legs and plopped my hands down). When my eyes glanced down on my lovely aqua/white/yellow striped linen skirt and saw a stain. A yellow stain. A yellow PEE stain from my sweet and adorable Maltese (read: She's gonna be served up for dinner this weekend). Yeah. Lovely, huh? Evidently, in an effort to actually look good for Easter, I tossed our clothing to be taken to the dry cleaners in a pile on the floor by the front door (so I wouldn't forget it) ... and my adorable pup took that as a sign to "mark the spot ... right here ... on mommy's skirt" GRRRRR! And just so you know... it doesn't come out when it's dry cleaned. You have to wash it in running water for that to come out!

And I hadn't gotten up in front of the church to sing yet... not that there was anything I could do about it... fortunately, there were yellow stripes in the skirt, so ... it was a bit camouflaged. Needless to say, the skirt was torn off the second I got home, and a second shower was in order for the day!

How embarrassing.

So, what did YOU wear for Easter?

Finally ... I thought I'd just toss this out ... how would you like it if I posted a few pictures of our family on Wed or Thurs??? I'd only leave that post up for a few days, though ... just long enough for you to burn your retinas when you look at my picture.

Don't worry... my son is so adorable, you won't want to look at anyone else.

So what do you think?

Happy Resurrection Day!

Christ our Lord is Risen today ...
Hallelujah!

To all my dear friends that read this blog ...
Have a blessed Easter celebration with your families!

Living Beyond Myself ... Week 3

This week, we studied Agape (Love). Love, love, love.

And while I know we learned a lot about Agape, this just really caught my attention ... the characteristics of love. We all know them. In fact, 1 Cor. 13:4-8a is a scripture that is read at every single wedding I have ever gone to. In fact, it was read at mine, and probably read at yours, too.

Here it is in the NIV Version:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Cor. 13:4-8a (NIV)

Now, I don't know about you... but because it's read so often, when I see this verse, it sort of falls dull, and I sort of think to my self... "yeah, yeah... love is patient, love is kind... yeah. Got it."

But do I really?

What if I were to put my name in front of each characteristic? Would the meaning of this passage still hold true? No. Of course not... because GiBee is not patient all the time. GiBee is not kind all the time. GiBee is envious every now and then... Well, you get the picture. And so do I.

But, I guess I've become immune to the NIV translation, because even when I do put my name in it, I still yawn. Shhh -- Don't tell anyone that I said that.

So, since you all know me so well, then you probably guessed at the very beginning of this post that I was NOT going to let the NIV translation get the best of me. So... here is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 in the Message translation ... and let me warn you... it's an eye opener. Are you ready?

"Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first," doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies." 1 Cor 13:4-8a (The Message)

See what I mean? Yeah. I thought so. But, praise the Lord I have learned this week that Agape is a divine capacity to love. And -- it is more of a response than a feeling. And, hallelujah! It is expressed through me when I surrender to the power and temperament of the Holy Spirit.

And, this week's study recap about Agape would NOT be complete if I did not share with you the major elements of agape... which are particularly fitting, since we will be celebrating our saviors resurrection on Sunday...

Action and Sacrifice.

"This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him." 1 John 4:9 (The Message)

Y'all -- God DEMONSTRATED his love for us through the SACRIFICE of his own son. FOR us. So that we wouldn't have to carry the weight of our sins. He took it all for us!

HE DID THIS FOR ME ... AND FOR YOU.

Friend... He was beaten beyond recognition. Ridiculed and mocked. Betrayed. He was dragged through dirt streets carrying a wooden cross of horrific proportions. He was spat on. And ... He was crucified with NAILS. Real nails. He lost real blood. He was stabbed in the side. He was abandoned by his Father for one brief moment. And then he forgave us. And he died ... so that we might live.

I just don't know any one who could possibly love you more than Jesus.

I hope you all have a blessed Easter weekend ... And ponder on the amazing Love our father has for us.

Busy? Me? Naaah!

Um ... I just realized taxes are due. This weekend.

And I haven't started mine yet.

Yeah ... fun stuff. And throw that into the mix with parents arriving from out of town tonight. Totally forgot today was Thursday, and they were going to be here. Today. Thursday. Gaah!

And I only remembered because my mom called me at lunch to say "hi, just wanted you to know ... we just left" -- and my reply ... "Uh ... Left? To go where?" Mom: "Your house!" Me: "Oh, mom ... I was just joking. I KNOW you're coming to my house!" [Internally thinking: Yeah, I know they're coming, but forgot they were coming TODAY -- is everything clean and ready?]

So ... out of town parents now in town -- tonight ... foot washing and communion service tonight ... LBY post due tomorrow ... Anniversary party for friends all day Saturday ... Pick up hubby's suit for Easter from cleaners on Sat ... Singing solo in church Sunday which I haven't practiced yet (maybe tonight?) and am hoarse from lovely chest cold -- GREAT! ... have lots of LBY homework to do ... still getting stuff ready for retreat next week ...

And ... to top it all off ... I invited KPJara to come on out to our foot washing service tonight ... haven't heard back from her ... I'm pretty sure it's because she must be on the plane. Oklahoma's not too far from Washington, D.C. -- right?

Gotta fly -- check ya later.

God-Flavors. Yeah -- and God-Colors, too!

Once again... Thank you for commenting on Tuesday's Toss-up. I must admit... I SELFISHLY love reading all of your writings! I don't know why people don't toss out subjects more often and let others comment on them! It's very fun to see how God can take one quote and translate it in each of our hearts! So many different opinions, yet so much alike!

Interestingly enough... just like our opinions, there are many kinds of salt, too! And they come in different varieties and colors ... There is plain ol' table salt, Kosher salt, sea salt, canning salt, pickling salt, rock salt, popcorn salt, and gourmet salt. Salt can be transparent, white, yellow, orange, red, blue, green, black, and various colors of gray.

Salt seasons our food, enhances flavors, aids in baking, and salt even freezes ice cream as well as dissolves ice! But when all is said and done... salt is salt.

So, I'm sure you're wondering where I'm going with this little science lesson, right? Well ... first... I just have to toss out this scripture... after all... it's what it's all about, but check it out in the Message translation... YOWZA! It really brings it home!!!

"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage." Matt. 5:13 (The Message)

Oh.My.Goodness!!! Okay, let me just sit down and try to catch my breath after reading this passage in this translation!

Yes. I will readily admit that it is so easy for me to settle back in the comfort of my salvation. You know what I mean... keep it all to myself. Not share with others. Because basically I'm so afraid of what people will say, how they will react, and how they will receive the message! Yeah... I'm a people pleaser, and witnessing isn't always pleasing to people! (Heather - I'm a big witnessing chicken too!)

But when you read this passage in the translation above... MAN! It sure does shed a whole new meaning on things! Pretty plain and simple! And really, how exciting is that? I am here to be the salt-seasoning that brings out all the GOD-FLAVORS of this earth!!! I LOVE THAT! God-Flavors.

Not much of anything else brings out flavor like salt does... it is different from all other seasonings. And really, we must be different too, in everything we do... We can share the Word in so many different ways... through our lives, our words, our activities, our families, our attitudes toward other people (oh, that hits close to home!), and in every other aspect of our lives. But also as many of you mentioned... through "touch" (aggiejen) ... "Skin on skin, hand in hand time with others" (Shalee), and we as Christians can "give them a little jig in their step and a full feeling in their belly" (Flip Flop).

Oh, and Susanne mentioned salt being a preservative... Yeah. Salt protects meat from spoiling... and "corruption" -- Wow! That's what Melody Greene hit on in her article! She was referring to the Media, but she said... "Salt is also a preservative. Before refrigeration existed, salt was rubbed into meat to keep it from spoiling - or being corrupted from bacteria. Our Christian influence works in a similar way. It restrains the corruption of the world, which if left unchecked, multiplies as quickly as bacteria on a hunk of meat."

It made me wonder if my Christian influence is helping to restrain the corruption of the world? Yikes!

Okay ... one last thing... let's look at the rest of the scripture that I referred to earlier.

"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand--shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven." Matt. 5:14-16 (The Message)

Oh, am I the only one that is getting EXCITED about this? Seriously! I can hardly contain myself. GOD IS NOT A SECRET TO BE KEPT! Breath. Breath. Breath. Okay -- one more time -- HE'S NOT A SECRET, y'all!

So, why is it so difficult to go public? It's not like I'm standing here bare nekkid (Peach!) and it's not like I have green skin! I have no strange appendages hanging from my side, and I have no disgusting boils on my face. Yeah... all those are things that would cause people to ... well, REACT badly towards me.

Okay -- let me re-read that last part ... "Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."

HEY! I can do ALL of that! I do it here on my blog, don't I? And... I'm not scared of you! So... if I just flip it... and do it at home ... at work ... all over the place ... well, THAT WOULD MAKE ME SALT! Did you see what Addie wrote in the comments? She said, "You know how salt get's all hard in the shaker when the shaker hasn't been used in awhile. Hmm. I think we're the same way."

I don't know about you, but I don't want to get all hard and crusty!!!

And, honestly ... the thought of loosing my saltiness, becoming useless, and ending up in God's trash can is just more than I can digest right now!

Oh, YEAH! I'm gonna shine!!!! Shine, shine, shine!!!! I'm going to make it a goal to go OUT OF MY WAY to be salty. 'Cause, honey... I want to be a part of bringing out all those God-flavors and God-colors on this earth!

Will you be salty and shiney with me, too?

(y'all must think I'm strung out on crack!)