Saturday, July 18, 2009

Feeling Guilty ... Sort of...

So, the other day, I was sitting comfortably on my chair with my foot propped up, watching my husband cooking in the kitchen, then vacuuming the family room, picking up toys, back to the kitchen, entertaining Hunter... All while I'm comfortably sitting on the chair. Doing nothing.

And I'm feeling guilty that I can't help.

Sort of.

Ok. Yes. I am feeling guilty. I am. Really. No. I'm not. I mean... YES. Yes I am.

What can I say. It's an internal struggle I'm having.

I feel bad just sitting around doing nothing while my husband slaves around. My house is a mess, the laundry is in two piles: clean vs. dirty, and the dishes pile up in the sink. It has been very hard on my husband juggling all the Sunshine-family balls in the air. But I am feeling a small sense of satisfaction that my husband can actually experience everything I do. It is hard being a mom with a full time job. Cleaning, laundry, child, job, husband... it is hard to balance everything.

And sadly, I suffer from the "perfect mom" syndrome. I want my son to have the perfect "Leave it to Beaver" life experience. Perfect home, perfect meals, perfect activities, perfect everything.

But fortunately, this terrible syndrome is tempered by my "we're not perfect" husband. He doesn't mind living in a home that looks "lived in" ... his priorities are always in the right place... spending time with our son.

He grounds me ... brings me back to reality. A dear friend once said that I'm the gas in our relationship, and my husband is the brakes. I always want to go, go, go, and he always wants to slow down. Slow, slow, slow.

It's a good balance. I love my husband. He rocks. And... he's an amazing dad. What more could a woman want?

A clean house? All the laundry washed and put away? All the dishes washed and floors swept?

Yeah. Maybe.

But I think I'll just slow down, sit back and relax. And NOT stress that the house isn't perfect and that there are all sorts of things hanging from the banister.

I'm okay with that. I am. Really. Twitch, twitch, twitch.

I owe my husband big time, don't I?


Donnetta said...

I've been in a similar situation. Try not to feel guilty, try to look beyond the "not getting done" things and focus on the "Leave it to Beaver" love your son is getting! That is what he will remember when he is older (at least that's what I hope with my own children.) :-)

Don't worry, all of that will be there when you are completely healed. You're not missing a thing! LOL

Bobbie said...

I too am blessed with a husband who thinks, we are not perfect and thinks nothing ever has to be either. Which is really great because he never says a word or even cares if the dishes are in the sink or the house is in perfect order! Its always us trying to make things perfect, isn't it?

By the way... I enjoyed your RE post about taking food to others. I am part of the food ministry at church, but sadly, I usually just throw it together. You have at least given me some nice presentation ideas.

God's Thoughts said...

Clean or dirty, it's all temporary. Hugs!!

Susanne said...

"Leave it to Beaver" gave us all complexes, it did. ;v)

Try to relax. It is what it is right now, and go with the flow you must. You, my dear, don't have a choice. Funny how sometimes we are put on our behinds by the Lord. You are one blessed girl having a hubby that just takes it all in stride.

Wretched Sinner said...

Having my own awesome wife, I can relate to your husband and this situation. Also, b/c I personally know you both I think this is a great experience for you together.

Enjoy this time, and seek comfort in the fact that you have a husband that loves His Lord so much that he seeks to reflect that love in taking care of his wife & son. And remember, Fall fishing will be here soon enough. :D

The wretched family continues in prayer for you all, and we miss seeing your smiling face @ church.

seethroughfaith (Lorna) said...

you love and support each other. t's great

Hayley said...

I can soooo relate. I have "the syndrome" too, and sometimes can drive myself crazy!! But, my husband is definitely my reality checker and grounds me. God has an amazing way of putting 2 people together, doesn't He?

Jane Anne said...

I just have to say that this post made me smile. It's real, it's honest and it's funny, too. I hope you can relax. Sounds like you are blessed to have such a great husband!

Tara said...

4 c-sections. I understand.