Living Beyond Myself ...

Evidently, it takes a Mack Truck, in the form of a tiny, little size negative 1 lady who has a booming voice with one serious Texan twang to hit me over, and over, and over again before I.GET.IT. (Oh, and it backed up over me one more time just to make sure I really DID get it!) Oh, the indignation!!!

Seriously, though... This week, I have been SO doubting myself. As you saw from my post this week about committing myself to Share in a Women's Retreat, I am living WAY beyond myself. For some reason, I can get up with no problemo and sing in front of my church, but THIS??? This is something else. I'll be teaching. I'll need to be accurate. I'll need to have POINTS! I'll need to be SMART! And if that's not enough, SATAN IS AFTER ME!

If you remember Carol's fantastical post where she talks about the Spiritual Attack she and her planning team for her Women's Retreat came under... then you'll soon realize that I am living a MIRRORED life to Carol's!!!

Over the New Years holiday, I prayed that God would use me to serve Him. On January 9th, I sent my PastorMan's wife an email that I would be willing to speak if they ever had a women's retreat. The.VERY.NEXT.DAY she emailed me back all excited that God had answered her prayers. And ever since then, I have been diligently working on what I was going to be speaking on at the retreat.

And Satan has been miffed, to say the least. He has dinged me left and right... here's a small sample of how: In January, my car started making a "clunking" noise under the right wheel well (I drive an Expedition, so if anyone knows what that sound is, I'd love for you to drop me a line). In February, I dropped my son on his face. I had 3 horrible migraines. I hurt myself running into every imaginable thing in my room as I tried to get to my screaming teething son in the middle of the night. My husband cut his finger, making a terrible, bloody mess.

In March, I battled with more migraines. My husband's cousin committed suicide. My son was struck with Rotavirus, keeping us home and in bed for 11 days straight. Then I got it, my husband got it, my mother-in-law got it, and soon, everyone that read my blog got it. Sorry, friends! Then my son got a nasty cold. In April, my husband was smacked with an awful head/chest cold, with a terrible cough and stuffed up ears. I started getting it at the beginning of this week.

On Wednesday night, I stayed up late (okay, 10:00 is LATE for me) to finish working on my outline for the Women's Retreat. I snuck upstairs (all was DARK and quiet). When I got into my bedroom it was pitch black, and I proceeded to trip over a set of stairs we have by the bed for our dog, and sprained my ankle, and also got a nasty gash on my leg. My husband was frightened out of a deep sleep and came flying at me (still all in the dark) to see if I was okay, tripping over me in the process.

Satan is happy! He loves causing strife in our lives... and he's doing a lot of that to me right now.

But then came Thursday... Thursday night is when I listened to the last part of the video series (told you I was behind). And that's when my bestest friend -- Beth (she's yours too, don't worry!) placed my racing heart at ease with a few simple words and a scripture...

You see, I had been fretting... worrying... knowing that I can't possibly sound as good as Beth Moore does when she speaks (and Praise God there are only 12 women that will be at our retreat). I can't even fake it, because while I have a SLIGHT southern accent, it's NOTHING like hers. And... I don't have BIG HAIR. Don't even know how to GET big hair. And cute outfits? Paa-leeze. Let's not go there. Plus size women do NOT have cute outfits. Okay, maybe I have a few, but NOT LIKE BETH'S! (and YES, I am Plus Sized)

But then Beth spoke right at me... RIGHT AT ME! She had us turn to 2 Corinthians 3:5-6, and when she read it out loud and began to explain it, I just stopped cold and said ... THAT'S ME SHE'S TALKING ABOUT! Here it is...

"Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant... not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." 2 Cor. 3:5-6

I am NOT competent in myself to speak eloquently, or to be funny, or loving, or to be a great teacher ... but my competence comes from God. Yes!!! HE has equippedd me -- HE has made me a competent minister.

Oh, that is so promising. So freeing. So... DO-ABLE!

I am purified. Sanctified. Equipped. Competent. And now, Confident.

Praise God for this study. His timing is perfect, isn't it?

So, I'm off to put on the Armor of God, continue getting rid of my junk and inviting the Holy Spirit to fill every empty spot in my body, pray a hedge around me and my family, and continue gathering craft items.

I CAN DO THIS! After all -- as Beth says... Living in the Spirit is all about living in victory on this planet, in our bare feet, on the hot pavement of living! And, honey ... I've got the VICTORY IN ME!!!

======================================

EDITED TO ADD: I still can't get the links to work right. I'm going to try to come up with something this week, but in the mean time, please follow the links t the left... They are just awesome!!!