Crazy Mary

Yesterday evening, Hunter and I sat on our front porch enjoying a pohlooloo (Popsicle), and just chillin' ... after all, it was a cool and balmy 95 degrees at 7:15 p.m. Sweet.

I noticed that someone pulled up to my neighbors driveway (across the street) and got out and walked over to where they were sitting (right in front of the garage) and sat down and began to chat with them.

About 15 minutes went by, and Hunter finished his pohlooloo, and I was trying to wrangle him into the house for a bath, when the same woman came across the street and called out for me.

She introduced herself as Crazy Mary, who lived on the corner of YoYo and YadaYada streets (obviously, make believe names)... and shook my hand.

I recognized her immediately, and asked her if she was the one who waved to people as they drove by (I just didn't comment about the pajamas and robe she usually wears).

Oh, yes, indeed, she was. And she was also the one who would wave her dollar-store broom in the air (I know this, because she told me it was from the dollar store), and she would also wave her hose up in the air while she danced around like this... (imagine her dancing in a circle like a ho-down), because she just loves people like she loves Jesus, and if she's not waving to them, she's hurting them.

Yeah. That's a nice thing to hear!

At this point, I tried to excuse myself because I had to get my son, the one who kept making a mad dash for the street, into the house and give him a bath, and Mary took that moment to inform me that she has been picking up the trash from the main street, and you just couldn't imagine how many nails and screws she picked up this week, and she showed her collection of nails and screws to the Mayor, who happens to jog on the main street she lives on, oh, about now, and he told her she was doing a fine job collecting the trash (as she bent down and picked up some wayward duct tape that had found it's way under a parked car in front of my home and handed it to me -- in between me chasing after Hunter while acting natural, trying to look polite, and hollering for my husband to come.out.here.and.help.me.NOW.). I only hollered three times, because evidently, the third time was a charm, and my husband heard me, hallelujah, praise the Lord!

At this time, she asked me if I knew that her neighbor, the one who used to ride a scooter around the neighborhood, passed away Saturday evening at about 7:15, because he had 7 forms of cancer, and had various innards removed, but no one really knew he had cancer, and his viewing is Monday night from 7 to 9, and the family would be so happy if I would visit with them for a while. And, wasn't it nice that my neighbors personally invited her to attend all of our street BBQs and gatherings? That was just so kind of them, because she's singlenow, because her husband died 5 years ago, but she's not a home-wrecker. No sir, she doesn't wreck homes and she doesn't date married men, even though she's single.

Y'all -- my head was absolutely spinning and ready to explode (and I was starting to feel like I was living a BooMama Minute with Martha & Sissie, only ... Mary's crazy, and they are not, and really, it's nothing like Martha & Sissie). At that very minute, my husband set foot on the front lawn, I thanked her kindly, for the 5th or 1,000th time, and walked away. While she was still talking. At which point she said goodbye (sweet, sweet words to hear) and went across the street to another neighbor who had foolishly, foolishly stepped out to water his plants and flowers.

And me? I rushed to get the phone and called this neighbor's wife and warned her about Crazy Mary, but fortunately, the other neighbor who had already been subjected to a conversation with Mary, was already calling her, and HEY! Why didn't he call MY house?

So, later on in the evening (well after Crazy Mary left) I went out with my husband (around 9:00 pm) to help watch him take the trash out, and our kind and caring neighbor came across the street to apologize for Crazy Mary's conversation with me. And after mentioning to him that I would have appreciated a call to my husband so he could come out and save me too, I proceeded to thank him for inviting her to all of our BBQs and gatherings, assuring him that she indeed planned to attend them. All of them. Every single blessed one. He seemed mildly surprised to hear that he and his wife had personally extended this invitation to Crazy Mary.

Which doesn't surprise me in the least.

And, I assured him that it was all good, because of course, I now had excellent material to blog about. He told me to have a good time with that, and honestly? I have.

So, y'all come on by this evening for our neighbors viewing ... it's from 7 to 9, and if you miss it, stop by Crazy Mary's house and tell her I sent you!!!