Saturday, February 25, 2006

From bad to HORRIFIC

This evening has been a nightmare for a new mom. It started off with my son's first official diaper Blow-Out. He grunted ... and grunted ... and grunted. And then nothing. Silence. And all of a sudden ... the smell - and it was bad - hit my nostrils. So I took him to his changing table, and began to pull his pants off to change his diaper, when all of a sudden, I felt something on my hand. I had been chit-chatting with him and not really paying attention, and when I looked down, that's when it all became quite clear. The Blow-Out. This was bad. I had to call my husband to help me get him un-dressed! It was all over his legs, his socks, his shirt, his onesie, his hands. It looked like he had painted himself with it. It got all over the changing table -- and -- yes, it got all over me. It was so powerful that I was gagging ... literally. My husband thought that was just hilarious. Yeah. Real funny. Ha, Ha. So, we had to give him a bath 2 full hours before he was due one. And, being that my son is very schedule driven, he thought we were putting him down for the night, and fell dead asleep. At 5:30. Waaay too early.

So at 7:30, we had to wake him so we could feed him, because he had hardly eaten all day long. He was so out of it. Groggy. It was so sweet to look at his face. But when he finally woke up, he was in such a lovely mood, that it totally wiped out what had happened mere hours earlier.

At 9:10, I called my parents to chat with them -- and that's when my evening went from bad to Horrific. I had picked my son up, and walked upstairs to transfer the load I had to wash (after the Blow-Out incident) into the dryer. I had the phone in one hand, my son in the other, and I was bending over to open the dryer door. My son's head was leaning backwards, so I thought I'd flip him over to face forward.

And that's when it happened. As if in slow motion, but ever so fast, he fell out of my hands... down, down, down. He hit the floor face first -- partial vinyl floor, partial carpet. The smacking sound he made as his face made contact with the floor was so horrific. It was a sound I'll never forget. I screamed, threw the phone and grabbed my son. I stayed calm. Hugged him, comforted him, looked him over, and got back on the phone to tell my parents what had happened and to hang up. My husband had heard me scream and came running up the stairs. I think he got so upset that I was trying to do three things at a time... and rightly so. We calmed the baby down, my husband went downstairs, I put him down in his crib so I could go heat up a bottle, and followed my husband downstairs. He called me over to him, and put his arms out to me, and that's when I totally lost it.

Totally.

I cried for what seemed like forever. I just couldn't get out of my mind that after FOURTEEN and a half years of trying to conceive, God had given us this miracle child ... he had entrusted him in our care ... and I had dropped him. Me. His mommy. The one that is supposed to protect him, love him, care for him. I dropped him.

I know this happens to a lot of people, and their kids are just fine, and really, within 10-15 minutes, Hunter was cooing, blowing bubbles, and giggling again. But the thing is, it happened to me. And it took quite a while for me to calm down and be "just fine."

I don't think I'll ever be able to erase "that sound" from my head.

8 comments:

shannon from rocks in my dryer said...

Oh, friend. I'm sorry. Everyone--I mean EVERYONE--has had moments like that, I promise. You are not a bad mother, you are not irresponsible, you are HUMAN. Just tonight, we took the whole fam out to eat, and my 4 yr old wandered out ahead of us, without our realizing it, into a very busy parking lot FULL of strangers. I just let moments like that remind me that my children are in God's hands much more than they're in mine, and that "All the days ordained for [my children] were written in your book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:16).

Deep breaths!

Lauren said...

Oh GiBee, I'm so sorry. Shannon is right, and she found the perfect verse for you. Bad things happen sometimes and we just can't control every single situation. I'm praying right now as I type that God will take the memory of the sound away completely. Glad to hear Hunter is fine. {{{{hugs}}}}

Sheri said...

Oh I am so sorry. Trust Shannon, who told you EVERYONE has moments like that. It's true. We all do.

Sometimes I think that horrid feeling stays with you (Or in your case the sound) to remind you that you aren't superwoman and it's okay to take things one at a time.

(From Sheri: Who didn't buckle her sweet boy into his stroller once, and he just plopped right out of it in the middle of downtown Seattle (But hey he's 11 now and only has a few tics...LOL)

GiBee said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you ... you are all so wonderful at making a wretched-feeling person feel so much better. Hmmm -- did that just make any sense?

Kim from Hiraeth said...

Oh, I can only echo what others have said and tell you a little story of my own.

When our son, Jake, was just a year old, we had to admit him to the hospital with croup. (Jake had/has multiple major heart defects so this was a very serious thing) I stayed overnight with him at the hospital. He was in an oxygen tent and I "slept" on a cot in his room. In the morning, I heard the breakfast trays coming and so I decided I better get up and go to the bathroom quick. Jake saw me leaving and started crying so I took him into the bathroom with me. (I was allowed to take him out of the tent from time to time.) He had been walking for some time and was very steady on his feet, so he stood there holding onto the sink while I went. Then all of a sudden he fell. I heard that sound you were talking about. I'll never forget it.

Long story short; it raised a HUGE egg on his forehead and because it happened in the hospital, I had to be interviewed (interrogated) by the hospital staff and they had to make out some sort of big report to prove what had happened. It was a horrible, horrible accident, but that was what it was; an accident.

And Jake is just fine. And so is Hunter. And, sorry to tell you, this won't be the last accident. It's all part of that parenting thing.

Glad your little guy is fine. Take a deep breath and give thanks!

Heidi said...

Oh, Gibee. The things that happen! I'm so sorry.

A few months ago I turned around to find my 16 month old holding an 8" chef's knife by the blade, inserting it blade-up into her mouth. As I lunged at her to pull it away, I cut her little fingers badly. It required the OR and a hand surgeon to put back together. I did not leave the knife in reach, a visiting friend did, but it is a scene I replayed over and over for weeks.

God is good in that He gives us busy babies that will soon fill our mind's eye (and ears) with new and beautiful memories.

Carol said...

Yeah, my husband's always griping at me about doing too many things at once. What is it with guys that they can't multi-task? Nevermind that he never burns the rice while talking on the phone or lets the bathtub overflow while folding a load of clothes, or forgets to pick up the 6 y/o from school while running errands...

I think we've all been there.

GiBee said...

Thank you all again... I feel much better and more calm today. God is so good. He created infants with very short memories, and my son still loves his mommy! He really does!